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Three Ways To Powerfully Connect With People


The way we relate to others, the connections we form (or don’t form) have a direct affect on our happiness.

Our reality is composed of our thoughts and feelings. When we’re down, our thoughts and feelings are like a tape-loop. The negativity spins around and around, over and over, wearing us out.

The quickest way to break that tape-loop is to connect with others via three personal realms:




The Secret: The Power of Thought

Thought creates our reality and is our response to our interface with the world. We are where our thoughts are because our first experience of life is always the internal-mind experience. Thought includes both thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are habitual. However, we don’t have to react to life, we can choose to act, respond, and initiate.

Choose to find something good about others to think about. It can be their generosity, their sense of humor, their caring. By making the choice about what to think about people, you’ll create good feelings about them. Good feelings are good feelings, They create a new tape loop in your mind and heart. If they happen often enough, you’ll develop a new positive tape loop. These good feelings will become your response not just to other people, but to your life situations and yourself.

Thoughts and feelings have been shown to affect the structure of water (Masaru Emoto) and even tears, but this isn’t just new-agey nonsense. You can perform the rice experiment yourself at home and see what happens. If thoughts and feelings affect a lifeless form like cooked rice, imagine how your thoughts affect you and others. Thoughts can make or break a connection with others.

Good, Good, Good Vibrations: The Power of Speech

Speech also creates reality. Speech is specialized sound. Though sound can seem ephemeral, sound waves are real, physical energy bundles. Sound feels more tangible to us than thought. Loud sounds can damage eardrums, compress air, and even make us nauseated. Ugly sounds can even kill. Beautiful sounds can lift our spirits, heal us, and help plants grow. They help connection grow, too.

We often don’t think about the power of speech in terms of sound, but we do recognize that yelling insults hurts, while saying kind words uplifts. By choosing words of empathy, compassion and connection you create sound waves that act on others, the environment, and yourself.

We know that different sounds and frequencies have different wave forms, therefore it is logical to understand that these different sounds will each have their own way they affect the material world. These two Ted Talk videos really help us understand the power of sound. The first shows how noise can cause us stress, and the second talks about how sound affects us on the cellular level. (Scroll down after videos for The Power of Action.)



Just Do It: The Power of Action

Science has shown that when we smile, a host of chemicals floods us and we feel happier. Smiling makes us happy. Even forced smiling makes us happy.

We do not yet know the science behind how our expressions, gestures, and other actions affect us, but we do know that whatever we do, there is a hormonal, chemical, and electric affect in the brain and body. Sure, some of these affects may be weaker, some stronger.

If we raise a fist in anger, our heart starts pumping, our blood pressure rises, and we may breath quickly and shallowly; if we pet a kitten, our heart beat slows, our blood pressure lowers, and we breath more slowly. Feel-good chemicals flood us, and we calm down and feel happier (which is one reason why equine therapy and therapy dogs can reach troubled children and adults in a way almost nothing else can.)

Expression, gesture, and touch are forms of action. But we can also move on to more complex actions, such as walking over to someone whose dropped her belongings in a shop, bending down, helping her pick up her items, smiling and nodding in answer to her thanks.  Actions can create, strengthen, or break connections with others.

These three realms of connection are more in control than we think they are. The first step is awareness.

Three Ways To Powerfully Connect With People

C.R. Zwolinski

Chaya Rivka (C.R.) Zwolinski, who co-blogs at PsychCentral’s Therapy Soup (since 2010!), is a writer, teacher, coach, and communications consultant, living in Brooklyn, NY. She teaches women’s classes on relationships and spirituality at, where she is also the Director of Curriculum and Program Marketing.

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APA Reference
Zwolinski, C. (2016). Three Ways To Powerfully Connect With People. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 22, 2019, from


Last updated: 10 Mar 2016
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