Life B.D. (Before my son’s Death) and A.D (After his Death)

Life as I know it is divided between life before my son’s death and after. Almost three years later, the person BD (Before Death) and AD (After Death) are two different persons. My humor, habits, even my life-pace are all different. My outlook on life is altered and my looks have changed. My eyes are deeper, my hair is thinner, even my expression is more soulful.  I’m more irreverent for life's conventions and certainly less pretentious...


“So How Many Children Do You Have (Now)” 5 Suggestions For People Who Like Choice

“So how many children do you have?” It’s a simple enough question like, “So what do you do for a living?” Innocent and straight forward. “,” but I hesitate. I think about my oldest son who died almost three years ago.

Do I tell them? What do I say if they ask, “Oh, where do they live?” Do I change the whole conversation? Will I make them uncomfortable?

One time I said, “Two…. three,” as if I forgot somehow....


Closure is a Crock

Closure is a Crock

We seek so often to have our endings neat and tied with a bow. Death that occurs in the first fifteen minutes of a TV show results in a funeral after the commercial break and the killer is caught by the end of the show. Problem solved, grief over, and on with life. What a crock.

To think that you could close your grief after losing a child you dreamt of, anticipated, then birthed,...


Taking The First Step

After tragedy, a major shock, or death, we reach out to some and turn away from others. Seeking someone close, getting validation, needing some form of structure is reassuring. At the same we hide from strangers, avoid people we don’t know, and rebuff those we can’t trust. It’s as if we run in two directions and it's confusing.

Surrounding ourselves...

Coping Skills

The Darker Side of Grief

I recently had an interesting online interaction. I’m a member of several grief blog sites and I witnessed two grieving men cussing and calling each other out over a seemingly harmless joke. In the midst of their loss, they lashed out. Maybe...