Coffee is For Closers

I need a good reason to get out of bed. A very good reason. I love my bed in the morning so I lay there thinking about one of two things. Either I think about today or I think about yesterday.

Yesterday bogs me down, today motivates me. Some people have devotions.  That's too much work for me – it’s bed. Don’t mess with sleep. Sleep is worship. “Hey, I’m not sleeping, I worshiping…”

Back to the point,...


Dealing with Death and Children

Of the painful moments of the death of someone close, few are more poignant than watching the effects of death through the eyes of a child. My young grandson sat patiently in the foyer outside funeral home while the adults were inside, distraught over the death of my son, his uncle. Throughout the process, the visitation, the service, the dispersion of possessions, my grandson was rarely soulful but generally upbeat and positive. Despite being close to his uncle, he...


Like a Thief In the Night

Death no matter what the shape or form comes as a thief in the night and leaves behind a wake of unanswered questions, conflict, and spiritual crisis. Researchers identified violent death as having a greater chance of producing a spiritual crisis that may result in a stronger faith but often questions our faith to the very core.

Social Scientists refer to the “Just World Phenomenon” as a belief that if we work hard and live right then...


I Got UP

It’s been three months since my last post. I took the Summer off to refresh, regroup, and reload. I’m excited to be back on

July 27th was the three-year anniversary of my son’s death. July is not a good month for me. Sullen, irritated,...


Memorial Day Mourns

     Flags, picnics, and parades punctuate Memorial Day. The event marks trips to beach, parks, and summer time lemonade. At the end of the day we catch a glimpse of the president laying a wreath at the tomb of the unknown soldier on the evening news and a moment a patriotic sadness overtakes us until the next commercial. Maybe a Chevy commercial waves a flag and touches our hearts, but we dist


There’s No Joy in Mourning, Right?

Joy alludes us in times of death.  So how can it be that "blessed are the those that mourn for they shall be comforted?" At the depths of my grief, I didn’t have joy, I didn't want joy. The only thing I wanted was my son and he wasn’t coming back. Everything else fell far short. Many of us no longer want to...


When Mother’s Day Hurts

Mother’s Day, a time of flowers, cards, and phone calls home. Maybe Mom is in a nursing home, maybe she is still in the house where you were raised, maybe she is with you, or maybe she is gone. And just maybe, she is you. I am not alone when I think about all the women who want to be mothers but are not. Today, however I am thinking about those who were mothers yet still...


Closer To Death

After experiencing a difficult death, one that was unexpected, one that came early in life, or one that came from a horrific circumstance; survivors are left reverberating from the aftershock for a long period of time. It’s expected. Like a tuning fork vibrating, the body, and the brain are bouncing back and forth at an incalculable rate. Or better, like an earthquake, you don't know when the aftershocks will happen.

A second death, be it lesser in...


Life B.D. (Before my son’s Death) and A.D (After his Death)

Life as I know it is divided between life before my son’s death and after. Almost three years later, the person BD (Before Death) and AD (After Death) are two different persons. My humor, habits, even my life-pace are all different. My outlook on life is altered and my looks have changed. My eyes are deeper, my hair is thinner, even my expression is more soulful.  I’m more irreverent for life's conventions and certainly less pretentious...