They say that pets have a sixth sense and can tell when the departed are near. I don’t believe in ghosts, I believe my son is in heaven. But the other night before falling asleep I listened to “I Drive Your Truck” on Pandora. It’s about a father remembering his son by driving his truck. It always gets me. But I woke up when our dog was prancing around. I couldn’t figure out what she wanted. She had food, she had water, she doesn’t ask to go out but we did. She ran around the yards. It looked like she was playing. It felt like Aaron was out there with her. She didn’t need to go to the bathroom so we came inside. I got in bed but Belle and that song was on my mind so I grabbed my phone and tapped out the following poem before closing my eyes. Now I want to share it with you.
She danced she jumped she begged and she bumped
She woke me up when she ran around
She chased her tail
So I followed her up I followed her down
somehow she knew that you were near
but you were nowhere, not to be found.
I heard Belle whine I got her some food
but she just pranced so we went outside
the wind blew strong, she chased your scent
She knows when you are here
we came back in
still tears in my eyes as she ran around
‘cause in the morning I knew
you wouldn’t be found
She didn’t care and she didn’t mind.
I saw her smile, she knew you were down
She alerted and she sniffed the floor
Tonight for a moment
tonight through my tears
tonight was special when
you darkened our door
You’re so far and we’re still here
I miss you so, I know you do
but she knows when you are near.
Now I’m not a poet, I don’t know the poetry rules but I know my feelings and I know what sounds good to my ear. I needed to share it right away so I sent it to a friend who I knew would understand. The next day she wrote back, “But grief is still grief, and grief is singular for everyone…that is what I believe. Why am I saying all this? Perhaps because of the impact of your poem…as it came from a place that is something within yourself, as grief may never be finished, but may be transforming…the spinning around, the chasing the tale…so much symbolism…but most of all the mystical, other-worldly nature, embodied in the common place action of Belle. * She didn’t need that food and water, not that kind.”
Well despite being a Christian and a psychologist I don’t look for an explanation. I just know that for a night I felt closer to my son.
I hope you feel closer to your loved one this season. I am interested to hear if you have had a similar experience.
Oh, and the publishing date for my upcoming book When Sunday Smiled has been moved to March 15th!
Andy is a Clinical Psychologist who lost his son in a tragic motorcycle accident and now authors articles on bereavement. The quiz is available! Go to http://andymdavidson.com/Home/Pgd to find out if you may have Prolonged Grief Disorder. Look forward to his upcoming posts, and book, “When Sunday Smiled.” Follow him at his website, AndyMDavidson.com and Facebook.com/ThroughLifeandLoss to find out more about grief.