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5 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found “The One”


What are your romantic expectations?

Do you long to find “the one?”

Maybe your heart tells you there’s an individual made just for you, but the task of locating him or her is discouraging. It’s possible you’ve inadvertently reduced the chances of getting what you want.

Here are five reasons you might not have found that special someone yet and how to get better results.

1. Your expectations restrict choice

Have you listed the qualities you want your ideal partner to possess? Whether you’ve made a mental or physical list, you’ve reduced the chances of meeting someone to love.

Sure, you want a gorgeous, talented, intelligent partner, but must he/she be a certain height, have a specific career, and like the same movies you enjoy? What if the love of your life doesn’t like Casablanca, is a few inches shorter than you hoped, and isn’t a brain surgeon after all?

The more specific you are about what you want in a partner the smaller the odds of meeting anyone who will match your expectations. Be open-minded and curious rather than dead set on finding a partner who ticks all the boxes. That way you’ll expand the chances of them coming into your life.

2. You look rather than attract

Do you try hard to find your perfect mate? It’s good to be proactive. It’s even better to attract your mate. You’ll draw him/her to you if you make sure you are a great match.

More: 5 behaviors that rob you of happiness

If you want to meet someone well-dressed, for instance, dress well yourself. Be of equal caliber to the partner of your dreams and you’ll impress the right candidates for the position of lifelong partner.

3. You try to transform partners into an ideal

Do you sometimes meet unsuitable partners but hope to transform them into ideal mates? It’s tempting to “help” incompatible partners improve to fit your expectations. You might tell yourself you’re doing them a favor. Realistically, though, you’re trying to make them right for you.

When you find Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, avoid persuading them to change their personality and appearance for you. Someone will love them as they are, but it won’t be you. Let them go and listen to your intuition.

4. You want someone to make you whole

Do you seek your other half? If so, you must imagine you need someone to prop you up as you’re unable to stand alone. Your true love wants you to be whole, even when you aren’t with them.

Likewise, it’s doubtful you want someone who is inadequate without you. Aim to meet a strong, confident individual who respects similar qualities in you and you’ll be on track for a healthy relationship.

5. You’re too keen

Potential mates smell desperation. They want to be wanted, but on the other hand, they want you to consider them special. They may think you don’t specifically want them–any partner will do–when you seem overenthusiastic.

Avoid asking dates you’ve just met intimate questions such as whether they want to get married and have children. Hold back until you are well-acquainted. Also, let them know you like them, but don’t clamor for attention as though you’ve not got anything more important to do than be with them all the time.

One day, you will find the partner of your dreams. The process will be faster, though, if you act on these tips. Most importantly, be the best version of yourself and the caliber of individuals you attract will rise to meet you.

5 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found “The One”

John D. Moore, PhD

Described as folksy and down to earth, Dr. John Moore infuses current events and pop culture into his posts as a way of communicating wider points on issues related to wellness and goal attainment. His work has been featured in nationally syndicated media, including Cosmo, Men's Fitness and CBS Market Watch. He is a consultant to a number of Fortune 500 companies and institutions of Higher Learning. Dr. Moore is author of Confusing Love with Obsessionand Editor in Chief at: Guy Counseling.

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APA Reference
Moore, J. (2018). 5 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found “The One”. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 30, 2020, from


Last updated: 8 Jun 2018
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