19 thoughts on “11 Mandatory Rules for Dealing With a Narcissist

  • January 5, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    For me it was no contact. Blocked all social media, emails, phone calls. Just to know that this person was away from me until I gained some sense of sanity was the best thing. It’s been years now, I know I will see this person again as she is my sister but the longer there is no contact the better it is for me. To be honest it was like an addiction. Any little bit of attention from this person gave me a “high”. It’s taken a very long time to untangle myself from this situation and it hasn’t been helped by other family members who want me to “forgive and forget” just to keep the family together.

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    • January 10, 2018 at 2:09 pm

      You can forgive. Hurt people hurt people. But don’t ever forget because if you do you will only open yourself to more of the same treatment. When you work on yourself and discover what your part was in this situation you will no longer be in the soul sucking sphere of this person even while being in her direct presence. Awareness makes all the difference. Namaste.

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    • January 10, 2018 at 2:13 pm

      I have twin daughters…one cut ties due to this from her sister… breaks my heart as a mom but she has to do whats healthy for her…
      Any thoughts to help a hurting mom would be nice;)

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      • January 12, 2018 at 10:38 pm

        So sorry for you ((Mia)). I personally don’t believe there is anything you could have done to prevent narcissism in your daughter. I think she was born this way. I’ve seen this personality trait in families comprised of some very good people. It must be so hard on you and your other daughter. See them separately and do the best you can. You are wise not to push them together as that would be hurtful to the non-narcissist.

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    • April 7, 2019 at 1:59 am

      Forgive, Dear, as it’s healthier for you in the long run — but never, EVER forget.

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  • January 10, 2018 at 11:12 am

    Thank you Kim for an excellent article on Narcs!

    I wish when I was a girl that I had understood what the term narcissistic meant, that way, I would have been able to join the dots and make sense of how I was being treated by both my mother and sister. The two of them were like twins rather than mother and daughter and there was no end to their machinations. The narcissistic abuse has gone on all my life. Mother’s abuse didn’t stop until she died, and by that time I had already shut her out of my life. However, my sister who still survives has only got worse each year of her life. With growing knowledge and the awful experience of growing up with two narcs over a lifetime of abuse, I’ve had to learn to keep a distance. I’m still learning how to respond to her obnoxious behaviors and I’m slowly getting better at it. Kim, your post is another lifeline and stepping stone on my journey to becoming more insightful and informed.

    The pathological lying, denials, accusations, put downs, rubbishing me to other people, blaming me for their sins and things I didn’t say have all taken a heavy toll on me. I’m now 67 and when I look back over my life and all the pain that two narcissists have caused me, I often wonder what it would have been like if I’d had a mother and sister who were normal. Narcissists are persecutors.

    Kim, I intend to print out your post and keep it in my bedside drawer for future reference. It’s definitely a keeper. Thank you very much. With blessing, Heather.

    Both my mother and sister have run me down to others in the family and the result was I was ostracized because of it.

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    • January 11, 2018 at 4:54 pm

      I can relate to your story. I called my mother and sister “The Master and the Apprentice”. Learned behaviour from my sister who saw mum’s behaviour as a tool of power. The silent treatment, door slamming, phone banged down in your ear, all in an effort to get their own way. They never were accountable for their own behaviour and blamed outsiders of the family unit for the family’s dysfunction. My husband was blamed for the eventual breakdown in our family and only because he stood up to their behaviour.

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  • January 10, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    The BEST way I found to Deal with a Narcissist Anti-Psychotic Disorder is Do It FaithBased and Keep It Moving…It really doesn’t Matter How Its taken Personally by them or the People they are Manipulating and or Fooling…..

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  • January 12, 2018 at 9:24 am

    Excellent article and recommendations. I’ve found that if I have to deal with a narcissist who is spouting off insults, my saying “Wow” or “I guess we feel differently” makes me feel better at the moment, as I’m not tacitly agreeing with them. Granted that they probably won’t hear me, though.

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  • January 12, 2018 at 10:22 pm

    I went most of my life not psychoanalyzing people. I took them at face value and if they proved themselves to be scumbags, then I stayed away. That is, until I met a conniving, smooth talking, narcissist who had me believing he was a terrific person. The game was on for them and they enjoyed themselves exploiting me. All while I was being crucified. I had no idea such cruel and evil people existed, hiding behind the face of an average joe. To this day, I find it unbelievable that I met two narcissists and brought them together to feed off of each other. Had I known what they were, I never would have gotten involved with them. My sympathy goes out to anyone who is stuck with a narcissist.

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  • May 6, 2018 at 3:37 pm

    Oh my! Where was this information when I was swimming in pain trying to figure out what happened with a relationship? It took me over a year to figure it all out, with the Universe putting people in my path who would present information that, at the time I didn’t want to hear, but helped open my mind and to receive it. It’s a tough journey with a narcissist. I can say I would never do that again, but I didn’t recognize the current narcissist in my life– although just friends, I allowed this person to take advantage of me. The difference with this narcissist is that he is exceptionally polite and respectful so I missed the other signs. He did something awful to me. I first reacted with concern, then worry (for him), then anger. Once you express anger, the narcissist uses that as their excuse to cut you out of their lfie. It’s a painful lesson.

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  • July 12, 2018 at 6:22 am

    Any advise would be helpful. my ex is a narcissist and pathological lier etc. I finally managed to break free and take my daughter with me. the thing is the authorities punished me for leaving and taking my daughter. they sent her to live with him (I only see her every two weeks). he manage to con them all into believing all his lies. I actually got told I was undermining him by talking about the abuse. I know he is abusing my daughter. Ive filed for court to reverse this decision that is causing her harm. Any tips/ advise on how to uncon the authorities into listening to me, so I can protect my little girl. thank you

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    • August 22, 2018 at 7:53 am

      Hi Gemma,

      Unless you’ve kept documentation of prior abuse, it will be hard to make a case. However, you can start documenting things now, get a GAL for your daughter, and try to get her in counseling, even if by court order.

      Kim

      Reply
  • July 25, 2018 at 2:37 am

    I ended up talking to a stranger one day from what I had just got out of a rough relationship and was still coming to terms what had happened when this lovely stranger gave me this website to look at and I’m so grateful he did as I was doubting myself and thinking what did I do wrong. I not wanting to confront anyone I would just walk away now I understand why I am like this and the biggest thing I got out of it hey l am not bad l still have to work on myself to be the person I use to be thanks

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    • August 22, 2018 at 7:49 am

      I’m glad you found resources that have helped you make sense of things, Heather. Wishing you all the best as you heal and move forward.

      Kim

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  • September 10, 2018 at 1:33 am

    Thank you so much for your post. My Dad (79) was recently diagnosed as a narcissist by a psychiatrist. He has been terrorising my family all our life and I finally understand his behaviour. I have shared this to my siblings and mother (who he left 15 years ago, thank goodness) and we are all now on to him. I recognise some of my behaviours in earlier life, but I was lucky and developed beyond those negative tendencies. Now we all have a guidebook, as he descends into dementia.

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    • March 1, 2019 at 7:13 am

      Thank you for sharing, Catherine. I’m glad to know you feel that you and your family are now equipped with the tools you need to handle your situation. I truly wish you the best.

      Kim

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  • November 14, 2018 at 2:28 pm

    After 4 intense months (going from intense love to horrible verbal abuse) I’ve been No Contact for 12 days. But because I fell hard for him it’s a struggle everyday to not contact him. I keep wondering how he could just walk away and go on with his life. Why can’t I let go of someone so nasty and controlling? Nothing I did was good enough; he accused me of cheating; he tried to control every aspect of my life. I want to tell him how I feel but I know I shouldn’t.

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    • March 1, 2019 at 6:58 am

      Hi Mary,

      I am so sorry for your struggles. I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong. You are right that nothing good will ever come from reaching out and trying to explain things or feel understood. It never happens in real life like we imagine it in our minds…at least, not with narcissistic individuals.

      Hang in there,

      Kim XoXo

      Reply
 

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