I recently posted part 1 of this topic as I decided to share some information I presented to a small group. As we continue the discussion, we explore enabling and the benefits of setting boundaries.
Am I an Enabler?
Ask yourself a few questions:
- Do you do things for another person that they are capable of doing for themselves?
- Do you worry that you are not “doing enough” to help the person?
- Do you feel like you are the only one that looks out for this person?
- Do you think no one else understands the person like you do?
- Do you feel this person is manipulating you?
- Are you afraid that this person cannot handle a situation without falling apart?
- Are you protective of this person?
- Do you wish you can make yourself more available to this person?
Examples of Enabling Behavior
- Ignore problems
- Try to soften consequences of bad behavior
- Make excuses for the behavior
- Rationalizing behavior
- You do anything you can to keep peace
- Continue giving them “another chance”
- Calling in sick for someone else
- Offering to pay bills
- Not getting help for ourselves
Benefits of Setting Boundaries
- You can contribute to another person’s well being
- Increase feelings of self worth and self respect
- Gain respect
- Healthy assertiveness
- Healthy communication
Examples of Boundaries
- “If you continue to repeat the behavior, I will have to terminate services.”
- “I cannot take up your shift for a third time so that you can go out to drink”
- “If you keep coming in after we locked the doors, then your privileges will be restricted.”
- “I can’t allow you to keep borrowing my car because you never fill up the tank.”
I hope this information has been helpful in your own personal journey of boundary-setting
What have you learned about boundary setting?