We all landed where we did. We may have been drop-kicked or gently placed, but we’re where we are supposed to be.
With all due respect and gratitude to my therapist and all the other magic makers world-wide, quite simply, I am often at the mercy of my blindness; my ability to overlook the completely obvious. I don’t need anyone to help me figure it out, I just need a smack upside the head.
Today is Mother’s Day. Today is also my birthday. And today is not how I expected it to look. Not at all how it was planned out. Nor were probably several before.
My mother took her own life a very long time ago. Her own demons just wouldn’t let go and so she did.
I myself, have been working on the mommy-thing for a few years. My adoption journey has also not played out in the idealistic way I planned.
I have arthritis in my knee and thumb.
I don’t have the money to go to St. Thomas.
But I have more than I do not.
So if you feel you have little of what you wish, try and remember you just might have everything you need.
Let’s quit wishing our lives had “turned out” out different. Let’s quit wishing our plans had played out; that our moms were still with us or that they were the moms we wish they were. Let’s stop worrying that something is inherently wrong with us because we lack the burning desire to be a mom, or that we nearly feel punished for not having received the gift of being a mom ourselves.
A gift is buried in all of our experiences.
I am thankful for many moms who have taught and nurtured me along the way: my Dad, my sister, my stepmom and the friend’s moms who took (and take still) me under their wings.
I am grateful to my daughter (or son) who have not found me yet. I look forward to my Cheerios in bed next year!
And to my own mom? Thank you for making me. For whatever these two holidays bring, sorrow or joy, I remain so very happy to be here. And I hope you’re happy too.