An Honest Report On New Motherhood

I have recently (very recently) become a mother. I am a 48 year old, single woman and have adopted a preschool age child.
With thrilling anticipation, I have worked tirelessly for this for years and nobody is more surprised at the reaction I've had to being a mother than I am.

Almost immediately, a depression washed over me. Not a disabling depression but an old, familiar disheartening, sickening, joy robbing depression.



New Mommy!

I've gone a litte quiet of late and I've been missing the blog!

You see, I'm a new (single) Mommy of a bouncing baby 3 year old; adopted from the state foster care system. I was aiming for 8 or 9 but apparently, God plopped her down on my path for a reason!

Oh! And I'm a first time mother. Nuff' Said?

Two years of being immersed in this journey coupled with a...


Our Treasured Military And Rocketing Suicide Rates

We celebrate and honor those that have and are serving our country. It is a day that is too short but the appreciation we have in our hearts is real. What also is very real is the rapidly increasing suicides by military personnel.
I advocate for the cause and it's hard to read, but here are the facts:

95 percent of military suicides are among enlisted members.
41 percent had a recent outpatient...


Thank You Depression

And no, I'm not crazy. Well, maybe a little but that's not the point. The point is that I'm thankful for it.

It can be hard to put yourself "out there". I get understand that. It's more important to me that people talk out loud about mental health so here

I love my crazy, wacky, break the rules - skate along the edge, not at all conventional life.  What's the alternative?...


What If? What If? What IF? ~ Part 1

Back in 2002, while deciding whether to relocate to the west coast from the east, my boss made a spot on observation.

During one of my many, vocal wrestling matches with the decision that needed to be made, she exclaimed : "Geeeeze Leslie, I have never, ever met anyone that can WHAT IF themselves into a corner like you can'".

She was right.

It is actually painful for me to make most  decisions. At least the medium...


Childhood Depression ~ What It Feels Like

It's a big day for me and I have a very passionate "hope" for many more.

The snow was falling, nearly crashing down like crazy outside the window and as a bonus, school was closed.  At 48, I can recall every crystal inside every single snow flake like it was a moment ago.

I laid there with my brother's black and...


Have You Ever Somehow Felt Broken? ~ Part 2

I spent this past weekend with friends in Pennsylvania; it was the usual comforting, warm and laughter filled time we have each and every visit.  One night we sat under a tent, the humid rain-filled world around us, as we clinked wine glasses and shared secrets. That's what girlfriends do. Even in mid-life (as they say), that's what we do. That's...


Have You Ever Felt Somehow Broken? ~ Part 1

I frequently look down, expecting to see shards and bits and pieces of me that have fallen to the ground - physical proof that I am broken. Like defective pottery cast aside, I expect the pieces to lie at my feet.
I am 48, yet I own no home.

I am 48, yet never have I heard the words "Will you marry me?"

I am 48,...


Considering Heaven

Becoming aware of one's mortality really sucks. I'm 47 (shun the term "late 40's") and over the last few years, the inevitable has happened.
The "It'll never happen to me" way of living your life quietly morphs into a more realistic way of living and so, naturally, I've given more thought to things like the afterlife -- or rather, heaven. I've become more curious.
I long to have a complete and thorough confidence in heaven and the peace that that brings.
Today, I finished the book