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Attachment Theory

In Love with a Narcissist? 3 Pitfalls of Insecurity

Don’t get me wrong: Anyone can fall for a narcissist’s easy charm and seductive ways, and, alas, an absolutely terrific childhood probably won’t help you much in those first moments of infatuation. But a woman who’s securely attached and has good instincts about what relationships should and can look like is likely to be onto the narcissist’s modus operandi faster and sooner. Once she has his number, she is out of there.


Attachment Theory

Unloved Daughters and the Problem of Direction

Among the wounds left by an unloving mother is feeling as though you don’t have a reliable inner compass. Unloved daughters often don’t have enough confidence to trust their instincts or thoughts. They worry terribly about making the wrong choices and failing, which would prove their mothers right.


Attachment Theory

Avoiding Love and Connection? 4 Traits of Those Who Do

It’s so counter-intuitive: Isn’t everyone looking for love? The answer is actually maybe and no. Unloved daughters who spend their childhood on tenterhooks with mothers who are sometimes attentive and available and sometimes not— asking whether the Good Mommy or the Bad Mommy will show up today—become anxious and always on the prowl for validation and reassurance. That’s not true for the daughters of consistently unavailable, hostile or intrusive mothers. The experts call this type of attachment avoidant.


Attachment Theory

3 Signs of A Wounded Self

At 35, Gwen is a successful businesswoman—an executive in advertising— and well-regarded but her personal life is another story. As the daughter of a highly controlling mother whom she tries desperately to please but who makes her feel like a failure because nothing she does is ever good enough, she still struggles with relationships: “ I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a girlfriend or a lover—I anticipate rejection all the time. It’s driving my current boyfriend crazy, in fact. I think he’s tired of reassuring me.”