19 thoughts on “5 Hard-to-Spot Manipulations Narcissists Love

  • June 30, 2020 at 1:18 am

    As I was reading this article, I noticed that you purposefully put the male as the antagonistic narcissist. Whether this was by design or not, you or your public a modicum of objectivity. Perhaps next time you will use their instead of him/her.

    • June 30, 2020 at 8:32 am

      I explain why in the article which you might note. Sorry, but not ready to go to “their” which remains a plural for me. And since this blog is about mothers and daughters, I can assume my audience is largely female, don’t you think? Finally, there are actually more men than women at the far end of the narcissistic spectrum.

      • June 30, 2020 at 1:03 pm

        It is harmful to engender the roles though. I think we should think about things like this as a people problem more than anything. If it is written neutral than it won’t help any side make an argument as to it being more a male/female issue. It also allows for people to read it without influence. It seems like most things I read regarding narcissism target the female as the victim and the male as the narcissist. From experience, that coin can flip.

      • July 1, 2020 at 7:59 am

        Did you actually read what I wrote about pronouns? Do you need me to cut and paste for you?

      • June 30, 2020 at 1:06 pm

        Where is the research validating that there are more male narcissists than females? What are the controls to that study? How were research candidates found? From personal experience I find it very hard to believe that men are more narcissistic than women. From my experience men are blunt with it, and women are very subtle. I have known both and in my experience I have known more women. Especially within the family courts, far more narcissistic women in that pool of research candidates.

      • June 30, 2020 at 6:50 pm

        You will have to trust me on the research or use Google research, It isn’t my job to disprove your experience or to validate it. If you don’t trust my research skills, you can just disregard the post. Right?

      • June 30, 2020 at 7:05 pm

        Hi there, Use Google if you don’t believe me, It is not my job to supply you with data. When I read something that I believe isn’t adequately researched, I simply discard it. You are only here to make a point which is about you,not research.

      • July 2, 2020 at 8:28 pm

        Hi JV. I’m a guy. I just lost 5 years of my life (and counting; can’t seem to recover) to a girlfriend who hit 3 of the 5 criteria pretty well, so whatever the diagnosis (narcissism, BPD, CPTSD, schizophrenia, who knows?) the article hit close to home. The pronouns made me do a doubletake as well—for about 20 seconds. It was disorienting. I feel you. But I think recasting them for the gender roles of my situation wasn’t really so terrible, and the hoops the author would have had to jump through to reverse them, or to apply to same-sex (let alone pronoun-nonnormative) relationships, would have been hilarious and probably distracted me more 😀

      • June 30, 2020 at 6:31 pm

        I’m on here as a male also so maybe you the author don’t have to be rude. This describes my wife of 15 years but more or less of her in the last 2 years. And this article was sent to me btw.

      • June 30, 2020 at 6:52 pm

        I was rude to you? How could I be rude to someone I just heard from?

      • July 3, 2020 at 2:49 am

        Peg, ignore them as they are not interested in the message itself, but feel hurt; you made it clear in the article your choice of gender and it makes sense in connection with the person that sent you the message. I’m expecting others, too, to be on the same level of discussion with me, but sometimes the expectation is far too high, as they don’t see the forest for the trees. I’m male and had a relationship with a narcissistic female, albeit not a romantic relationship; 2 years after the end of the relationship, I’m still reeling with disbelief and pain. Thanks for the article, it’s soothing.

  • June 30, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    Thank you for recognizing this phenomena so clearly. This is a devastating situation to be in. No one should be treated this way.

    • June 30, 2020 at 6:51 pm

      You are welcome. Happy to be of help.

  • July 1, 2020 at 1:28 am

    My partner had a relapse of lowgrade bladder cancer operated on last week. His anxiety made the weeks leading up to the operation turgid to say the least but I coped by believing that this would change post op. One week down the road and he must be feeling better because he has started belittling me, telling me I break into his important conversations online or because he does not want me to show him how to operate online banking. I have been cooking his meals, helping with his meds, showing empathy. Today I got angry because he made me feel annoying and then wanted to tell me that by my expressing how I feel ‘it makes him feel like he wants to die’. That the problems are with me. I went out to buy supplies to keep him happy, came home to him wanting to drop the conversation we had had prior. Is he gaslighting me? I am so confused. I forwarded this article to him and he denied ever doing anything like that but then would not listen to anything I had to say and locked himself in his bedroom. I do not know what to do.

  • July 1, 2020 at 7:49 am

    To those arguing the author’s use of the male pronoun, she explained that during the introduction. Her article is all about narcissistic tactics, not whether or not they are perpetrated by a male or female in your life; apply them to whomever you wish.

    • July 4, 2020 at 11:41 pm

      Agree. To constantly use he/she is annoying. The author explained that she would be using “he” as a matter of convenience, and acknowledged that it might not be accurate in all situations. That seems sufficient.

  • July 1, 2020 at 9:48 am

    Thank you so much for putting this in a clearer perspective and it’s kinda upsetting to me that I’m a psych major, knowing the characteristics of a narcissist, yet I couldn’t even apply this to my own relationship and how I was being treated. 3 out of 5 of these hit close to home. Thanks so much for helping me see this more clearly.

  • July 3, 2020 at 9:33 pm

    What’s difficult about this article is admitting that YOU ARE the victim. Your control can be limited by the narcissist’s ability to be a “Great person” in front of others. I’ve been so stressed out by an employee of mine that I DID NOT HIRE, that i stay late every night to complete anything I dared to start, so that they won’t sabotage my work before I come in the next morning. I have experienced this behavior from persons of both sexes in my past, and can see what’s happening, proving it is another matter. My question is, other than physical proof/documentation of the behavior, how do i get them gone without fear? I have shown my Supervisor multiple occasions of this person’s integrity lapses and inconsistencies as well as pictures and physical proof of the abusive behavior, but the Boss keeps wanting me to confront, again and again. Meanwhile, I’ve slowed down at work, what now? I expressed to all that i want to terminate….

  • July 4, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    I am so tired of the nitpicking over pronouns. When referring to power and control all studies (do your own homework) point to the higher earner ( traditionally male) thought not 100% of the time as the one ALSO having the advantage in a power and control situation vs the lower wage earner or the dependant nesting mother ( traditionally a woman). That said,
    abuse is about power and control. They make the money or more. You and children are dependants. Parent over child, boss over employee. You love more than they do, or are somehow entrapped. Narcissistic people are masters at entrapment.
    Apply the advice herein accordingly and stop letting every infomative post or article become a battle of the sexes.


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