5 thoughts on “6 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who’s Suffering or Grieving

  • July 31, 2019 at 10:54 am

    thanks for solid advice for a common encounter that some of us make even more difficult.

  • July 31, 2019 at 11:07 am

    What doesn’t kill you, and time heals particularly bother me precisely because there are lots of wounds, griefs, sufferings that do not at all make you stronger, just as there are wounds that never fully heal.

    I used to struggle with the one about listening and not telling your possibly similar story, because I spent years in 12 step programs and they taught you were supposed to “relate” to a person telling you part of their story and you did this by sharing your own possibly comparable lived experience. It took me quite some time to figure out that most of the time it is invalidating and hijacking the other person’s space who wanted a listener. The one caveat is sometimes when the person talking feels like, because of some human experience they are a freak or bad, or unlovable, then sometimes normalizing by sharing your similar experience can be helpful.

  • July 31, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Wow this is a relief. Better understanding for myself and others. Can’t wait read books. Man I’m a product of a very hurtful bio mom I’m starting to come to terms with. It hurts every day

  • August 1, 2019 at 10:37 am

    When you really look at it, if someone grew up with a wonderful mother, it is extremely naive of them to think that all mothers are loving. It is like they’ve lived their whole lives so far in a bubble, never reading articles or the news. I know society fosters this opinion but in my view these people are stupid.

  • August 25, 2019 at 12:02 pm

    Culture differs
    Really in some cultures keeping
    mute or silent or just shaking head or
    similar gestures when somebody relating his trauma, increases the pain.
    In some cultures involvement in conversation or
    giving advice, drastically reduce the trauma.


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