7 thoughts on “Unloving Mothers, Denial, and the Vehemence of Smear Campaigns

    • July 13, 2019 at 5:17 pm

      Melody,
      It’s good to know that others are writing about this topic. However…

      To come onto the blog of an author who has done so much to aid the children of abusive mothers and who has recently published a book, whilst not contributing anything to the conversation other than to link to your own posts where you are promoting your own book (upcoming or not) is, in my opinion, not cool.

      I’ve just discovered Peg Streep’s work, and am SO grateful to her for doing what she does. So it’s dismaying to come on here and discover echoes of what we’ve all grown up with. It makes me not trust what you’ve written, which for me cascades out into not trusting any female writer. I have enough trust issues with women in general, as it is. Which is a shame, because what you’ve written has merit. But your actions here belie your words there.

      I hope that was inadvertent on your part because of your enthusiasm, and an unintentional error that you’ll correct.

      Sadly, it’s the sort of thing many of the “mothers” written about here might have done. You might want to consider asking Ms. Streep to remove your comment, and trying again in a manner more appropriate, and which both honours and acknowledges her powerful article. And perhaps apologizing to Ms. Streep for (mistakenly?) appearing to undermine her?

      Reply
  • July 11, 2019 at 5:20 pm

    Peg, This is an excellent article that has given me more insight regarding the behaviors of unloving mothers. My mother fits right into the descriptions given. I hated the way she would play the victim card, then berate me to family and anyone else who would give her an ear. She never talked about all the good things I did for her or, any of my achievements but, the knife would go in my back so fast when I asserted myself to her, or called her out. She would make me feel so bad, flawed and unwanted. It’s dreadful to think that mother’s have that kind of power of their daughters. Thank you so much for another great article.

    Reply
    • July 11, 2019 at 5:25 pm

      My book DAUGHTER DETOX may be of interest to you. It begins with a long discussion of maternal power, in fact. Best. Peg

      Reply
  • July 18, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    This article, and Peg’s book “Mean Mothers” has helped me immensely! I’m 69 years old and finally realize that I’m not the only unwanted & unloved child in the world. I felt like such a fool for 50+ years trying to connect with my mother who resented the fact that I was born,
    and only now, after reading the above-mentioned book and “Daughter detox” I realize my attempts to connect were hardwired in me, and that I was not a fool to try.
    Lately, whenever I think of the horrible things my so-called mother did and said, I knock them out of my thoughts by pretending that I have snapped back at her with a very nasty verbal assessment of her as a mother. It actually made me feel better, as if I’m not a victim, and like someone who fights off a bully or puts down an enemy.
    Psych experts may not approve of my tactic, but it does make me feel better about myself. That’s just me. 🙂
    A HUGE Thank You to Peg! You’re work is amazingly meaningful.
    Joanna

    Reply
  • July 22, 2019 at 6:21 am

    Just this morning I have had one of those usual shouting matches with my mom. It hurts when she distorts facts and insists that she raised me even when she abandoned me to my granny and aunt. She uses all the mistreatment (all of which I told her about) I suffered from other people as if it’s my fault all the while not giving the true side of events. For instance while I remember with eerie clarity that my granny fetched me from my aunt’s home and then I lived with her since Std 7, she insists that my granny begged her to allow me to stay with my gran. She always made me feel like I owe her and she would even wear my clothes when I was a teenager and when I complained she would tell me she is the one who bought them for me. It was so bad that her step-mom asked why we were sharing clothes and she even bought me some pants. I am at my teether’s end with her and I feel so guilty for wanting her to stay away from me and my kids, whom she has started to involve in this abusive conduct. I was so hurt when my daughter told our maid that my mother once insulted her at a bus station while she was still in high school, calling her a whore ( what she used to call me from a very young age). I feel like I am betraying my kids and being a bad mom when I want my mother out of my life.
    I will read your book hopefully I will learn how to deal with this situation, at 47 years I feel like I am about to lose my mind.

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  • August 13, 2019 at 1:50 am

    I am no contact with my mom since 2016 – ever since I stood up to her abuse. Of course she fauxpologized but I actually asked her what she was sorry for. She said she was sorry for nothing – it was all my fault – I made her do it – she didn’t do it – you get the idea. She hasn’t tried to have a real conversation with me since.

    Since then she has been smearing my name to all of my family of origin. They look at me and behave differently toward me. Most painful is my 3 siblings who also obviously heard the smearing and are clearly on team mom. They are all on team mom.

    I believe they would rather believe something is wrong with their sister than something is wrong with mom. They bow to the mother myth. I am estranged from them all – no one wanting to hear my side of things.

    It has been extremely painful but I will not be abused by my own mother and put up with it just because she is my mom. It took – yes – for me to be in my 40s – until I said enough is enough.

    I have a great therapist who specializes in narcissism as well as some support groups. It is so validating.

    I am grateful for your posts and your books. Thank you!

    It can be very lonely in the mean mothers camp.

    Reply
 

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