8 thoughts on “Spotting the Narcissist by How He Tells (and Curates) His Story

  • June 12, 2019 at 1:22 am

    My mother is just like that. I’ve become to realize, after years of therapy that she’s a narcissist. Now I don’t have any relationship which her, because we can’t see el the world the same way, and she feels that if I’m not with her I’m against her. Is there anyway to have a good relationship with a narcissist? After all, she’s my mom. And I’d love to have a relation with her.

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    • June 12, 2019 at 7:13 am

      Monica, I think you’ve answered your own question. Much of it will have to do with how you define “relationship.” As I explain in my book DAUGHTER DETOX, deciding how to manage your connection to your mother is highly personal. If you are willing to have a relationship which she defines–which you have decided not to do at the moment–then the answer is yes.Some daughters opt for low contact which is more perfunctory than not and more of controlled visits than anything. You can only change you, and not another person. Best, Peg

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  • June 12, 2019 at 10:08 am

    I find it ironic that the author’s bio promotes books called: “DAUGHTER DETOX: RECOVERING FROM AN UNLOVING MOTHER AND RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE” and “MEAN MOTHERS: OVERCOMING THE LEGACY OF HURT.” Blaming other people for one’s shortcomings is the hallmark of a narcissist. I guess it takes one to know one.

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    • June 12, 2019 at 10:19 am

      I was going to delete your comment, Pat, which is an option but sometimes, it’s good for others to see ignorance in action. What makes you think my books are about “blaming others for one’s shortcomings?” That said, attacking someone personally in this way IS the hallmark of a narcissist. Thank you for making me smile. Yours, Peg Streep

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      • June 12, 2019 at 1:48 pm

        I just want to comment that I have endured and am overcoming emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic father and a mother who didn’t protect me from it (but saw it), revealed to me by a therapist nearly 2.5 years ago.

        You have written truth in my experience. For over 4 decades I would try to explain to people that whatever story he told is a partial truth or an outright lie. No one ever believed me because of what they “saw”.

        I gave up and suffered, believing I was the problem. I ended up marrying a narcissist, feeling I shouldn’t go through with it because things didn’t feel right…doubting myself, did it anyway.

        With the help of this therapist, who knew after 2 sessions, I was a victim and he was a narcissist, I was able to begin my journey to recovery.

        Pat’s comment is what drove me to comment…
        Stating “It takes one to know one” is clearly the sign of a narcissist and I pray for a healing for him/her, but I expect it’ll never happen.

        Like you said, narcissist ‘s can never understand that they are the problem, so there’s no understanding that they need to change anything.

        Sad reality…

        When I’d finally realized I had already lived this life, I wanted out. In my ex’s desperation sought therapy for “us”, but I already knew it was to fix me. I only showed up to correct any story he told, knowing there would be no complete truth to his version of any story.

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    • June 12, 2019 at 3:39 pm

      Interesting observation.

      Being raised by someone with zero capacity to empathize is VASTLY different than someone who is refusing to take responsibility for their words and actions.

      You clearly dont have a narcissistic parent or you would be aware of the difference.

      One would have to wonder, then, how you know so much about Peg’s work and why you follow it. If you have been accused of narcissism yourself then it makes sense. Otherwise why would you be here? And even more questionable is why you would make such a comment when you aren’t the child of a narcissist.

      My mom watched a man beat me to the point of vomiting when I was 10 and didnt care. When I approached her later, with tears in my eyes asking why she didn’t save me she said to consider it punishment for something I did and hadn’t gotten caught for yet. That was just one moment of my lifetime with a narcissistic parent. Thats what comes from a mom that has no empathy. It wasnt HER so she didnt care. Can you see how damaging it is to a persons psyche to be the child of a narc?
      Can you understand why we would need very particular modes and methods to heal? To be able to just function?

      If not, I would implore you to do a bit of research because being the child of a narc is an extremely dark and painful life and it often takes ones entire adult life to heal…if ever. So, even though your question was an interesting observation, it was only that. For those of us who understand the title, there’s no question.

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      • June 12, 2019 at 4:21 pm

        I don’t think Pat knows my work. He or she was referring to the bio that is below the post. Your response is caring and empathic, for which I thank you… Best, Peg

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  • June 22, 2019 at 1:26 am

    Thank you so much on your piece about “Spotting a Narcissist…”. This was by far the most straight forward and easy to understand definition; how to spot a narcissist and why they are the way they are = brilliant!!! I’ve read so many explanations of what a narcissist is, but still couldn’t get my head around it until now. And what’s funny is, I now realize that the person I used to work for is a “true” narcissist!!! It explains everything!

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