2 thoughts on “Unloved Daughters: Why Going No Contact Doesn’t Heal You

  • January 11, 2019 at 5:03 am

    I think what helped me heal was learning that while my mother might have loved me, I needed to realize that her version of love didn’t nourish me. It’s helped to get me on my way to handling the resentment that thinking “she doesn’t love me” and wondering why she acted as she did, and helped me change my way of acting towards her when we did meet.
    Mom wasn’t evil. She was simply an abused child who could not relinquish control over her world. Love meant ownership. Her greatest act of love was that I could grow up with that insight about her.
    Simply going non-contact would not have done that. I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye and honestly hope that she can now rest in peace.

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  • January 16, 2019 at 11:56 am

    …”my mother simply lets me go” as quoted from someone else in your piece is what I am going through in a nutshell.

    I stood up to my mom and told her what I truly needed from her for the first time in Nov 2016. I also stood up to some very awful verbal abuse that had happened in spring of that year. She denied everything, blamed me and said she wouldn’t change.

    She hasn’t called me since – only for birthday or if someone dies (though she has stopped this too).

    She has everyone believing she is the victim and I am the awful one who would dare hurt the poor widow.

    My 3 sibs have rallied around her. To say I am suffering from the core wound is an understatement. I feel utterly abandoned and need to stop asking why me and why in general. This is more difficult since I have young daughters myself and cannot imagine treating them this way.

    Par for the course for a woman who never apologizes and believes it is her “children’s job to have a relationship with their mother.” She says this all the time!

    How do I move on and not feel like discarded garbage?

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