3 thoughts on “The Narcissist and the Holidays: A Cheat Sheet of Advice for the Wary and the Weary

  • December 3, 2018 at 9:45 am

    Ah the holidays…
    Let’s pretend we’re one big happy family.
    Narc brother in law who brings same Christmas cookies as me only bigger and fancier…no one sees crazy except for me – same brother in law encouraged his child to beat up my child for years (ah yes – scapegoat through the generations for me and my family – I have always been the “bad” and “difficult child” (the one who stood up to my mom). Everyone fights over who can help my mom the most in general but even more so over the holidays. Because that’s how you get love from our narc mom – bend over backwards for her. It’s your job after all (she actually says this). It’s no wonder us sibs aren’t close. When I used to talk to these people – mom would trash one of us to the other any chance she can get. Currently I am in a 2 year stand off with my mom where she refuses to admit her wrongdoings or change her ways and I won’t back down. So I make my perfunctory scapegoat entrance with my family- eat – do a gift exchange and leave. My younger sister and brother are going to be decorating my narc mom’s tree soon and my family won’t be attending. My mom always finds some way to covertly hurt me and let me know I am not missed. I have problems standing up to my family since somehow they can treat me however they want to and if I defend myself I become the “angry person”. I guess that’s why my role is cemented as the family punching bag. Oh and because I act like my father who my mother depised even after being married to him for 45 years. His death 3 years ago really made me the abuse replacement for my mom. This is why I barely see these people at all. I know I am the healthiest (therapy, ACoA, etc.) who sees it all (I even have stopped drinking around them so I can be on my guard and see things as they really are) but to them I am the crazy one and forever will be and so they continue to ostrasize if they are not abusing me.

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  • December 16, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    I have dreaded Christmas Day with my family of origin my entire adult life. Only after my dad (who was emotionally abusive, a user of the silent treatment, and made my sister and I victims of emotional incest) died and over three years of therapy so far do I see my family as it really is. Hoping I can be more of a spectator because of it this year.

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  • December 25, 2018 at 1:57 am

    Thank you this is so helpful and puts things into perspective.

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