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6 Ways to Spot a Narcissist from Day 1

If you’re reading this, the chances are good that you’re trying not to repeat history and go down that path which looked like it was strewn with flowers on the very first date and ended up being a total nightmare which may well have broken your heart and spirit.

16 thoughts on “6 Ways to Spot a Narcissist from Day 1

  • May 23, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    Currently, I’m in a stage where I am replaying events, and I feel stupid because I see the moments where the mask slipped, but I ignored, rationalized, forgave, and doubted myself. I sometimes feel that I must be really messed up and pathetic to have fallen for it, or I imagine others see me that way. From the early declarations of love to the tantrums to the criticism to the affair and discard, the way is littered with signposts, and I feel they all say “Sucker.”
    My therapist is working with me, but I have fears about being arrogant/narcissistic. I do something well and a voice in my head says, “Oh, aren’t you being a little smug or self-congratulatory?” I worry that I’ll never develop a healthy self-esteem and that I will always have the nasty Inner Critic in my head.

  • May 25, 2018 at 2:37 am

    Um yes and thank you…I can get compassion and love somewhat confused.
    My ex mentioned that it was the compassion in my eyes which drew her, and this Mr Silly was too moonstruck to see that I was being pulled into a one sided relationship.
    We both had iffy backgrounds but her problems were always more important than mine, and there you have it, no teamwork.

  • June 5, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    I spent 7 years in therapy after my first divorce. Then I met the man I married last year. I was strong and smart, but the abuse began on Day 1 when he left his viagra at home on our wedding night. That was the trend for the short 6 months we lived together married. Every weekend was the same. No love, time or affection. I felt very isolated. My son loved with us also and he was awful to him. Even realizing what was going on and fighting it everyday, I was always emotionally exhausted. Finally planned my escape. Now 2 1/2 months out, waiting for the divorce to be final. Still so hard to get through some days. But I will take my experience and talk about it to anyone who will listen. I am hoping I can save someone else from this misery.

    • September 21, 2018 at 1:48 pm

      Just the fact he was on viagra was a red flag right there. You deserve better

  • June 7, 2018 at 3:28 am

    14 years of torture… took me years to figure it out… now it’s just the guilt of being so stupid… now he has me in court and won’t agree to anything.. tired of worrying about it… lawyer fees are going up.. and everything she says isn’t a “big deal” or “the judge won’t care”. Ready to represent myself… but it’s all such a headache every single day.. exhausted and just won’t what was mine… but I guess I can forget about that… but why should I let him get away with that??

  • August 21, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    i am glad to see that we dont think its just men who are narcisists.
    i had a wife who accused me of being one, funny that everybody else in her life was guilty of something she did too.

  • September 7, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    Don’t feel bad for not seeing it. Lets be glad we do now. Live and learn as they say. Yes. . . Learn and here’s to not repeating it. EVER.

  • October 19, 2018 at 10:59 am

    I believe in different levels of narcissism and that it can be fostered by culture. I married into a high performing family and it was like joining a cult. Narcissism unhinged. Time only for her immediate family and not even any time for our son unless she could tout his successes to the family. We are now separated and my son lives with me as she is only willing to fund higher learning and does not accept any other responsibility.
    Narcissism destroys relationships as in reality, there was never a relationship other than servitude.

  • October 19, 2018 at 11:12 am

    Yes I admit I’m sensitive to this and this is a little bit of whining but is the author just a little bit guilty of Misandry?
    In the article:
    A picture of a man
    “Men high in narcissistic traits”
    “Yes, it’s true that the narcissist can be a braggart and full of himself”
    “sign that he’s in it to win it,”
    “This allows him to run your life”
    “he’ll tell you he did it all for you.
    “you’ll confuse his wanting you all to himself with love”
    “How he tells a story”
    “he’s usually the hero”
    ” When he tells the story”
    “feel sorry for him because the way he tells it,”
    “he did everything for her but nothing was enough”
    “Your heart aches for him in the moment because he was so badly treated and, yes, “victimized.” ”
    “you’ll notice that all of his stories follow the same plot lines”
    “His vision of the world has no gray areas”
    “you’ll see how easily and quickly he judges”
    “What he shares and doesn’t”

    I’ll stop there as there at least double this in the article.
    A narcissistic female is just as devastating to a relationship as a male.

    • October 19, 2018 at 11:20 am

      Bill, if you read this sentence, “I’ll be referring to the narcissist as a male because there are more men on the far end of the narcissistic spectrum but make no mistake: women too can be high in narcissistic traits. So switch up the genders if you like,” you might have saved yourself the trouble. Or maybe not. Yours, Peg Streep

  • November 1, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    left a narcissist husband twenty years ago. still have PTSD. our daughter now 34 has turned into one herself. so sad… we are now unable to see our grandchildren. I did all I could to try and raise her to not be this way but it seems that genetics play a bigger part. it is terrible to be experiencing this all over again. I am sad that she has this in her life.

    • November 1, 2018 at 4:45 pm

      I am sorry you are going through this but this isn’t about genetics; there’s not a stitch of scientific evidence for that. Children aren’t born narcissists. Best, Peg

  • November 1, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    I sure wish I had read this article, and others on narcissism, before I met my current significant other. Perhaps then, I wouldn’t of lost so much of my life, so much valuable time with my family, friends and those who genuinely care about me.

    When I read through all the articles, its as if they were written about MY LIFE! He almost destroyed my life, my family, everything. Unbelievable to read specific details on narcissists’ tricks and traits and realize that every one of them has been played on me, repeatedly.

    I’m out – and going thru the court system so I can finally be rid of this poisonous person.

    My gosh, please spread these articles around for others to read. I never even knew what a narcissist was before I met this one.

  • November 12, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    Has anyone ran into one in the ministry?

    • November 14, 2018 at 1:07 am

      Yes! The first meeting we had, after he was hired, he said “It’s my way or the highway!” I was stunned, but didn’t know about Narcs back then, so I couldn’t see what a red flag that truly was!
      This guy was awful! Eventually over half the church left, because he was so bad!
      He ended up “church disciplining” me because I stood up to him! I left the church I grew up in, as did my mother. She stood up to him too…He was such a man-child, he couldn’t handle strong women!
      I’ve read that Narcs gravitate to the ministry because it feeds their egos…and I know of several women in my support group who were married to ministers!

  • February 27, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Reading articles like this one, about these people and their tactics, has begun to make me shake my head in disbelief.
    They are like reading my own story without the flowers and the dinners – too much of a cheapskate for that, but wanting to spend the time ‘just us’ – every social occasion always on my invite.

    It’s like they are molded and generated in a factory and occasionally released onto an unsuspecting public.


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