7 thoughts on “7 Big Reasons Why You Should Not Cheat!

  • December 27, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    I was a “victim” of severe, obsessive, vindictive ASPD/NPD/BPD emotional/mental/spiritual abuse during a marriage of almost 40 years – falsely accused of infidelity, etc, brainwashed and traumatised, with NO support from relatives, friends, etc, as I became more and more isolated and afraid. Eventually, I caved in, also psychologically and had a correspondence with a past friend. Within a week the correspondence turned romantic (against all my principles, values and my religion and personality) as I was extremely vulnerable and drained. Of course, I later found out that the charming, supportive, third party was also a Narcissist. As you say, all hell broke loose when my spouse found out. I thought his heart was broken, but he later said that he actually had a tantrum, because I did not want to show him the letters (his own words). In due course, I attempted suicide, developed PTSD and C-PTSD, etc. and an array of chronic physical illnesses. I wanted the divorce…he said over his dead body – what a disgrace and sin to divorce. I eventually fled to my adult daughter, went NO Contact, spent years in therapy to get over the gaslighting and guilt and got a divorce after a four year legal struggle. Of course I am the guilty adulterer now and blamed and shamed.
    So, yes, do not go there, no matter what, because you will always be the guilty party. Rather flee to a safe place (if one is available – which most of the time is not), or take your life or go live on the streets. A situation with a Cluster B Personality Disordered abuser is a totally different ball game. You will never win. If you are faithfull or unfaithful does not really matter in the end – you will remain GUILTY

    Reply
    • December 27, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      Sorry about the anguish you have gone through. You said something that sounded like you have considered hurting yourself. This is not a solution and I would encourage you and others who feel such despair to get help from appropriate professionals and authorities.

      Reply
      • December 28, 2018 at 1:50 am

        Yes, as I said, I did attempt suicide. And yes, I did go for “help”: two stints in a psychiatric hospital, four therapists, two psychiatrists. And just more blaming and shaming, intensifying my guilt and uncertainty to the point where I became really ill. I was also abused at work and eventually became medically incapacitated. Unfortunately, there are hundreds of thousands of people in my situation. I met some of them in support groups on the internet. They are the ones who really know what it is like and can help you through the valley of death. Yes, suicide is “not the answer”, but life with a Cluster B Person is no life either. If I had stayed with him, I would have been dead by now.
        On top of that, the lack of support and knowledge about ASPD/NPD from professionals are shocking. Also, joint therapy with such a marriage partner is fruitless and even dangerous and should not be recommended.
        The article mentions some good points, but the almost blanket condemnation really triggered me. This is moreover a very difficult time of the year for many people, including those in strained marriages, especially those in abusive ones and, likewise, for separated or divorced people.

        Reply
      • December 28, 2018 at 2:10 pm

        Your “story” that you are sharing highlights just how complex relationship trauma can be. My main attempt with this article is to convinced others not to “cross the line.” Yes, it is an over simplification but a message that needs to be said. I acknowledge, as in your case there is a lot more going on. Thanks for you thoughts.

        Reply
  • December 28, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    I committed adultry for just a month, sad and desperate as my husband, who loved me, began to withdraw from the physical side of our relationship. He was older than me and although he could not alter his feelings he could alter the way our marriage was conducted. I committed adultry for lust only I realised later. My husband died shortly after this. I believe he thought I was still hankering after this person. We did not talk about it and I never admitted to it. The remorse and guilt and regret that I feel now are phenomenal. I do not even feel I can show my face. I am desperate to apologise and most of all I wish it had never happened. Our marriage was happy it was just devoid of sex, we could have lived contentedly. Today, I feel as though I was possessed.

    Reply
    • December 28, 2018 at 2:17 pm

      Mistakes are made by all, still I am the last to minimize the “mistake” of adultery. However, as there is a ‘means’ to make a mistake there is a ‘means’ to undo a mistake – depending on the situation perhaps not totally. I do hope you find a way to redeem yourself. Certainly, you are more than the “mistake of adultery” and these other parts of you that merit to be acknowledged and celebrated. Wishing you the best, Abe

      Reply
  • January 21, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    Infidelity is really a very bad seed as it eats deep into the soul of everybody involved. There was this time a few months back I started suspecting my wife of cheating on me with her boss. I got lucky and met this guy Sam. He successfully helped in tracking my wife’s online and offline activities and guess what? I’m currently working on my divorce and I have indisputable proof! Sam I can say is very good, reliable and affordable. You gotta thank Abe for this piece put here. And I’m sure you’ll thank me too for this recommendation. You can contact Sam at [email protected]

    Reply

The discussion section is closed to new comments for this blog.