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Surviving Infidelity
with Abe Kass, M.A. R.S.W., R.M.F.T.

9 Safeguards That Prevent Infidelity

Thank God, I have never cheated on my spouse. I have no intention to do so. However, I know it is possible. Why? Because it is possible for every person in the world to cheat.

Our initial partner is our legitimate partner. If we add someone else to our romantic lives behind our legitimate partner’s back, this is an illegitimate relationship and is called infidelity.

Every healthy person can be attracted to and fall in love with more than one person. Wanting more of the good than we already have is human nature when it comes to money, honor, and certainly romance, intrigue, and sex.

Everyone is a potential philanderer!

We are naturally greedy. All the more reason we need to be careful and cautious to protect the exclusive relationship we have with our spouse or committed relationship partner. If we are not careful, and we philander, we may end up ruining everything that is of importance to us.

Of course, if a person is not getting along with his or her legitimate partner, it is much easier to cheat. However, for those of us who do get along well with our partner, we also need to be very careful. The rules listed below apply to everyone.

Protect yourself and your family. Avoid the following behaviors with a person of the opposite sex:

1. Sharing personal feelings, intimate pictures. Intimacy is letting another person know about very deep parts of yourself and exists on many different levels. Your intimacy door should be open only to your husband or wife or committed partner. Of course, sharing with family and friends that care and love you is legitimate. Doing so should be a natural byproduct of a healthy and ongoing loving relationship with your husband, wife or partner.

2. Talking about the relationship you have with your legitimate partner. Should you share details about your intimate relationship with your husband or wife or partner, this is a violation of privacy and a perversion of the intimacy you have with your legitimate partner. The definition of intimacy implies a sanctity, a sacred secret, between you and your partner that is not shared with others.

3. Deliberate touching. Affectionately touching someone of the opposite gender naturally elicits sexual feelings. Once you are excited, it becomes a slippery slope, and you have no idea when or if you can stop.

4. Giving gifts or money. Giving to another person is a symbolic gesture of affection and care. Giving a gift to an illegitimate partner is an invitation to step beyond the appropriate boundaries that protect your primary relationship.

5. Going on dates. In your spare time when you have fun, the fun should be with your spouse or partner. Giving the best you have to an outside person is cheating, it is depriving your legitimate partner of your involvement and investment in your marriage or committed relationship.

6. Private meals together. For many people, food and drink is a sexual aid. There may be occasional business meetings where it is appropriate to meet with someone of the opposite gender. However, it should be done in a very public place and the focus should be strictly on business.

7. Arranging to meet when out-of-town. Secluding oneself when out of town with another person of the opposite gender is combining fire and gasoline — you know what is going to happen. Once such a meeting has been arranged, the outcome is predetermined. You are now on a slippery slope into the embrace of infidelity.

8. Personal phone calls, text messaging, emails, or internet chat of a personal nature. Taking personal calls or other forms of communication from a person of romantic interest behind your spouse’s or partner’s back qualifies as a betrayal. People don’t fall in love without first becoming involved and entangled with each other. Talking is a precursor to emotional attachment and/or lovemaking.

9. Doing favors. Doing a favor for another person is a quality act of kindness. The majority of your favors should be done for your life partner and family members. If you find yourself committing many acts of kindness with another person that you could become romantically attached to, likely you are headed in the wrong direction.

In general, one of the surest signs that you are betraying your legitimate partner is when you conceal your activities with another person that you could potentially be with in a romantic relationship. If you find yourself tempted to lie about activities with another person that could be a threat to your marriage or committed relationship, or you have already done this and lied about it, this is proof-positive that you are rapidly accelerating along the Infidelity Highway.

Protect your most valuable asset, your committed relationship and your family. Remain loyal and faithful to your initial and legitimate partner. To do otherwise is relationship homicide.

9 Safeguards That Prevent Infidelity

Abe Kass

Abe Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T. is a registered marriage and family therapist, a registered social worker, a certified clinical hypnotherapist, and the author of more than a dozen books designed to help couples and individuals live a more loving, more satisfying life.

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APA Reference
Kass, A. (2018). 9 Safeguards That Prevent Infidelity. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 13, 2020, from


Last updated: 3 Aug 2018
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