Forgiveness is an essential dynamic when recovering fully from infidelity
My own research on the topic of “forgiveness” shows there is much confusion regarding this issue. Some people are of the mind that forgiveness is a gift to oneself and to the offender.
Forgiveness means that the perpetrator of the injury is remorseful and has proven this in both word and deed, and that he or she has requested forgiveness.
To just “let go”
Forgiving someone when they are not remorseful or have not requested forgiveness is not really “forgiveness.” True forgiveness is a dynamic that resides between two people. To “let go” of anger or claims of justice towards an unrepentant perpetrator is an act of choosing a peaceful life over a life of conflict and stress. As such, I refer to “letting go” of anger and its derivatives as old-fashioned “common-sense.”
Although it makes sense to let go of resentment towards an unrepentant perpetrator, it is not easy to do. For those of you who are on a spiritual path, whether rooted in organized religion or your own creative spiritual discipline, you have spiritual tools available for use to assist you in moving forward with your life regardless of what your cheating partner has done, leaving painful episodes behind.
When a person just “lets go” of resentment toward someone who has injured them, the relationship continues to suffer. The individual that has “let go” may be free of the emotional trauma rooted in the past and caused by a particular individual. However, relationship recovery is impossible. For example, in the case of infidelity, the offending partner can still not be trusted. After all, he or she is not remorseful.
Healing from infidelity requires “forgiveness.” And, as I have said many times in previous articles, there are precise steps to get to the point where a person is entitled to ask for forgiveness and the injured partner is of the mind to grant it.
To learn more about the necessary steps to full recovery. Check out my book, Surviving Infidelity: Making Amends, Restoring Trust, Finding Forgiveness, and Living Together Happily for the Rest of Your Lives, A Couple’s Journey Using the 7-Step Recovery Map
Confidential Forgiveness Quiz: Does your partner deserve to be forgiven?
I have recently created a “Confidential Forgiveness Quiz” for those who are struggling with whether or not to forgive their partner who cheated. I am providing the link to my website so if you like you can take this quiz.
Take this CONFIDENTIAL (no email necessary) with IMMEDIATE RESULTS quiz to see if your partner who cheated on you has earned the right to be forgiven.