Is It Codependency or Caring?


It’s natural to express love by taking care of others, especially when you see a loved one struggling or hurting. However, sometimes there’s a fine line between caring and codependency.

Certainly, not all caregiving is bad or unhealthy. When trying to determine if our caretaking is based on codependency, it’s useful to take a look at our motivation for helping...


Free Yourself from the Need to Be Perfect


Do you have impossibly high standards for yourself – and maybe for others?

Do you beat yourself up when you make even a small mistake?

Do you find it hard to relax and do things just for fun?

Do you avoid trying new things because you might embarrass yourself?

Do you believe your worth is based on how much you accomplish and what others think of you?

If so, your desire to...

dysfunctional family

Shouldn’t I Be Over My Painful Childhood by Now?

“Why is my childhood still affecting me? Shouldn’t I be over it by now?” Amy, aged 37, asked me at her first therapy session. “I feel like I’m complaining,” she said ashamedly. “I’m sure other people have bigger problems -- real problems. I feel silly coming to therapy to talk about stuff that happened twenty years ago.”
I hear similar questions from clients and readers (of...


Inspirational Quotes to Help You Recover from Codependency


Struggling to change your codependent behaviors? It can be hard work!

Sometimes an inspirational quote can help you stay motivated and focused on what you’re trying to accomplish and remember why it’s worth doing. Below are 19 quotes about overcoming codependency. They cover some of the most important components of codependency recovery: setting boundaries, being more assertive, ending controlling, enabling, and rescuing behaviors, self-care, self-acceptance, and knowing yourself...


Why You Need To Set Boundaries with Yourself

We usually think of personal boundaries as a way to communicate our needs to others; a way to tell them how we want to be treated.

But we also need boundaries with ourselves.
Boundaries are guidelines or limits
An integral part of being a responsible adult is establishing limits for ourselves – making choices that are in our own best interest even when they aren’t enjoyable in the moment.
Why you need boundaries for yourself
Boundaries help...


Guest Post: How to Know If Your Relationship is Codependent

In healthy relationships, people can ask for what they need without making other people responsible for their happiness. Relationships feel close without becoming enmeshed. Boundaries are respected without making other people feel guilty.

In codependent relationships, the lines get blurred. One person becomes the caretaker or rescuer, trying to fix or solve someone else’s problems. This begins the cycle of...


How to Take Care of Yourself When You Are Busy Taking Care of Everyone Else

Have you been putting yourself last? Are you so busy taking care of everyone else that there’s no time and energy for yourself? Well, you’re not alone! Lots of us are stretched to the max.

Perhaps you’re happy to take care of everyone else’s needs – your kids, spouse, friends, parents, even your dog. Or you may be overwhelmed, exhausted, and growing resentful because their needs are consuming so much of your time and energy that...


Reflective Questions to Help You Quiet Your Inner Perfectionist

Your "inner perfectionist" tells you that you're not good enough. It pushes you to achieve more, work harder, and prove your worth. It tells you that rest is lazy and hobbies are a waste of time. Perfectionism tells you that mistakes are catastrophic and if people see your flaws, they'll reject or criticize you.

So, how do we get rid of this unhelpful perfectionist thinking?


Positive Self-Talk for Codependents

Why your self-talk matters
We all talk to ourselves constantly (either out loud or silently in our heads). These thoughts are called self-talk. We’re not conscious of most of our self-talk, but occasionally, you probably hear yourself saying things like I’m such an idiot or I can’t believe I did that.

Often, we need to slow down in order to tune into our self-talk. As you go through your day, try to pay attention...

dysfunctional family

4 Parenting Styles That Contribute to Perfectionism

Are you a perfectionist – someone with impossibly high standards, who wants to please others, and is afraid of not measuring up? Sometimes, we mistakenly believe that perfectionism is the same as striving for excellence, but in most cases, it doesn’t actually motivate us or help us accomplish more. Instead, it leads to self-criticism, stress, health and mental health problems, and the belief that self-worth and love have to be earned.
Why do some people...