6 Reasons You Need to Get Better at Saying No

Would your life be better if you could say no more often?


Annie constantly feels overwhelmed by all she has to do. There are so many competing demands on her time – family obligations, social invitations, work deadlines, household chores, community events she’d like to attend, and the ever-elusive self-care. She hates to disappoint people, so even though she’s stretched too thin already, she finds...


Why You Should Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection

The difference between excellence and perfection
People often confuse perfectionism with excellence.

When we strive for excellence, we have high standards. And in general, there’s nothing wrong with having high standards. In fact, it can be a good thing. High standards can encourage us to make improvements, solve problems and do quality work.

Perfectionism, however, is an impossibly high standard -- with no room for imperfections and no compassion for...


6 Defining Features of Codependency


We use the term codependency rather loosely these days. It’s great that more people are familiar with codependency, but if it’s going to help us understand ourselves in a meaningful way, we need to be clear about what codependency is – and what it isn’t.

In a nutshell, people who identify as codependent usually play the role of “rescuer” in a relationship with someone who is impaired or ill in some way....


10 Ways Perfectionists Self-Sabotage

Trying to do things perfectly often seems like a good idea, perhaps even essential to your success, but expecting perfection isn’t realistic. So, when you hold yourself to this impossibly high standard, you’re probably creating more problems than you’re solving.

What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism isn’t the same as excellence. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do high-quality work and wanting to improve. But perfectionists don’t just want to excel, they can’t tolerate mistakes or imperfections....


Is It Codependency or Caring?


It’s natural to express love by taking care of others, especially when you see a loved one struggling or hurting. However, sometimes there’s a fine line between caring and codependency.

Certainly, not all caregiving is bad or unhealthy. When trying to determine if our caretaking is based on codependency, it’s useful to take a look at our motivation for helping...


Free Yourself from the Need to Be Perfect


Do you have impossibly high standards for yourself – and maybe for others?

Do you beat yourself up when you make even a small mistake?

Do you find it hard to relax and do things just for fun?

Do you avoid trying new things because you might embarrass yourself?

Do you believe your worth is based on how much you accomplish and what others think of you?

If so, your desire to...

dysfunctional family

Shouldn’t I Be Over My Painful Childhood by Now?

“Why is my childhood still affecting me? Shouldn’t I be over it by now?” Amy, aged 37, asked me at her first therapy session. “I feel like I’m complaining,” she said ashamedly. “I’m sure other people have bigger problems -- real problems. I feel silly coming to therapy to talk about stuff that happened twenty years ago.”
I hear similar questions from clients and readers (of...


Inspirational Quotes to Help You Recover from Codependency


Struggling to change your codependent behaviors? It can be hard work!

Sometimes an inspirational quote can help you stay motivated and focused on what you’re trying to accomplish and remember why it’s worth doing. Below are 19 quotes about overcoming codependency. They cover some of the most important components of codependency recovery: setting boundaries, being more assertive, ending controlling, enabling, and rescuing behaviors, self-care, self-acceptance, and knowing yourself...


Why You Need To Set Boundaries with Yourself

We usually think of personal boundaries as a way to communicate our needs to others; a way to tell them how we want to be treated.

But we also need boundaries with ourselves.
Boundaries are guidelines or limits
An integral part of being a responsible adult is establishing limits for ourselves – making choices that are in our own best interest even when they aren’t enjoyable in the moment.
Why you need boundaries for yourself
Boundaries help...


Guest Post: How to Know If Your Relationship is Codependent

In healthy relationships, people can ask for what they need without making other people responsible for their happiness. Relationships feel close without becoming enmeshed. Boundaries are respected without making other people feel guilty.

In codependent relationships, the lines get blurred. One person becomes the caretaker or rescuer, trying to fix or solve someone else’s problems. This begins the cycle of...