5 thoughts on “Why We Say, “I’m fine” — When We Aren’t

  • July 3, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    Thank you Sharon for all that you do to help those in life situations that keep them stuck. I have struggled all my life with self-esteem issues and codependent behaviors. I am 65 this month. I’m grateful for what I’m learning, that I can be a better person going forward. Not just a better person but to feel better about myself and understand things that I never thought I would.
    You are much appreciated and adored
    Much love, Julie

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  • July 5, 2020 at 4:13 pm

    My issue is the opposite problem. I’ve always enjoyed true, honest, connecting friendships with other women. I’ve read articles saying people may have three to five TRUE friendships their whole lives. I’ve been truly blessed! I’ve lived in six cities over my 70 years and I’ve had genuine friends in each city. I moved to my current area 19 years ago. One friend I loved begged me to leave my husband, a narcissist. I told her I choose to honor my commitment. She replied, “I love you too much to watch what will happen to your life” and SLAM! out she went. I made another close friend over the next few years; she died in 2017. I felt like a walking doughnut. I became closer to another friend who also died, in 2018. The rest of the women I know, at my church, appear to prefer to function in the realm of “human doings” rather than human beings. They expect others to be happy-happy-happy but don’t want anyone to talk about an actual thought or feeling. I’ve created a smiling hologram to project when I’m with them — but my heart aches for a conversation where I sit across a table and listen to someone share what she’s thinking and feeling. My hologram says, “I’m fine” because it’s expected — but I sure do miss being able to reveal my authentic self. Need new friends!

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    • July 5, 2020 at 4:38 pm

      Thank you for this perspective. I do hope you find friends that you can be real with!

      Reply
  • July 8, 2020 at 9:43 pm

    Hi Sharon, thank you for all you do in this space. I find your work to be an incredible resource for becoming informed about codependency and other mental health issues. I just wanted to add that another reason for saying we’re fine, is to create a boundary to protect ourselves from unhealthy involvement in our lives, by toxic people. I do this with my mother and other relatives. My mother loves to spread bad news around the family and has really poor boundaries when it comes to sensitive information. I find it best that I don’t share too much with her, so this is how I respond when she asks me how I’m doing. I’ll share neutral information, or something general, but these days, I don’t share anything significant or difficult with her, to protect my privacy and stop her becoming overly involved in trying to fix things.

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