3 thoughts on “Recognizing What You Can Control and Accepting What You Can’t

  • May 14, 2019 at 11:49 am

    This blog post is a fine example of the reason I never wanted to go to any “codependent support group”. I knew this would be exactly the sort of stuff I’d hear. Start by brainwashing people that they can’t influence their loved ones, and once that’s happened, it sounds really easy to abandon them, doesn’t it? Since you can’t really change your husband (false), wouldn’t you be better off leaving him?

    I didn’t. He died. I don’t regret not leaving him. I’m proud of it, actually.

    And I never, ever going to believe that you can’t change other people. Because, among other things, if you don’t believe you can change other people, don’t even dream of getting into campaigning for any cause. It’s a waste of your time. If you can’t prevent a relative from doing something self-destructive, what makes you think you can prevent strangers from doing something self-destructive?

    Not neglecting yourself is one thing. Deciding that you can’t change things is another thing entirely.

  • May 16, 2019 at 9:49 am

    This blog was really helpful to me because my mind does well with visuals. I constantly categorize to help myself understand and apply helpful ideas. If I don’t, I just have a jumbled mess of information in my head.

    It helps to realize that I can’t change the adults in my life, but that we can continue to influence each other in positive ways. As I learn to take better care of myself, those around me take notice and so far it has improved our relationships. They appreciate not being controlled, and in turn seem to be more open to what I have to say. Change then comes willingly from inside them instead of being forced by me. That seems to make for more permanent changes and improvements. Concentrating on my self care doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. I will never give up on them! It just makes me a better “me” as I interact with them. Thank you for the visuals and clarity, Sharon 😊🌺

    • May 16, 2019 at 3:17 pm

      Thanks for your comment Cindy. You’re right that often taking care of ourselves is the most effective way to influence others. If we practice self-care, treat ourselves with love, recognize our strengths, and make healthy choices, those around us will see what we’re modeling and hopefully it will encourage them to do the same.


Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *