7 thoughts on “5 Survival Tactics You Use to Maintain a Relationship with Your Abusive Parent

  • August 18, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    Thanks Sharon a great article. I have now implemented strong boundaries with my parents. Have tried on numerous occasions to talk about the past only to be met with “I hope you’re not blaming me” from my mother and a lifelong fear of confrontation by my father. I now accept it for what it was and have got on with my life. I see them every couple of months and only for a couple of hours. The subject matters are very superficial. Lots of reading over the past few years has really helped and doing things of interest for me and saying NO to them has been very empowering. A few years back a family luncheon clashed with some volunteering work I was doing at the time. This was met with “family comes first” attitude. Some things never change but I stand my ground these days.

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    • August 18, 2017 at 4:45 pm

      Sue,
      I always appreciate your comments and perspective. I wholeheartedly agree that strong boundaries and keeping them on a superficial level is a necessary form of self-care and self-love.
      take care,
      Sharon

      Reply
  • August 18, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    I find that solution to be very sad because I hate superficial relationships, especially with parents because although one has been abusive and is still authoritarian, they have been a fall back when rental accommodation ran out and I wasn’t coping to find a new home.
    The other factor not listed above is the issue of money. Inherited money can be consididerable giving them another power advantage that if contact is cut , so is your comfort in later years. Even if they don’t threaten will exclusion we know its a possibility.

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    • August 19, 2017 at 5:55 pm

      Maintaining a superficial relationship isn’t ideal, but it’s a form of self-preservation when it would be emotionally harmful to share one’s self fully with someone who is likely to use what you share to hurt or manipulate you.

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  • August 19, 2017 at 5:46 am

    Trying to explain to my parents why I might want to keep distance between us is like trying to explain the 12 step model to a heroin dealer: they aren’t going to get it because they don’t want to get it.

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    • August 19, 2017 at 3:11 pm

      Re-read number 5. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to do this only to end up feeling frustrated and not being heard. In the end I just decided that I’ve told them how I feel and it is up to them to either listen or not. We can’t control how others are going to feel or respond to us. I just got on with my life, took up some new hobbies, started making new friends and just saying NO to their requests that life should revolve around our family. I love my family but they are just one part of my life. There’s heaps of reading material out there on people-pleasing and the “button pushers” in our lives. Good luck!

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  • August 19, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Are you sure this article is about ur parents not ur significant other ? Cause I swear that was exactly like wat my ex subjected me to . And I’m not an abusive parent . I’m not even married or have kids .

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