6 thoughts on “Can I Be Codependent if I Had a Good Childhood?

  • July 8, 2017 at 3:06 am

    Codependency can even arise from “too much of a good thing”. For instance, from learning about certain prosocial behaviors such as being present, being friendly and listening, and deciding that “more is more”. If listening makes others like us, then letting the other person have the floor and not offering conversation in return will make them like us even more. If being friendly gives us good relationships, then being a ray of sunshine who stuffs our every negative thought will give us even better relationships.

  • July 9, 2017 at 11:01 am

    Alcoholic’s in my family tree:

    My dad, his dad, his grandfather. Dads sister. All died of the affects of alcoholism.

    Mum’s dad. Mum’s 2 brothers + my own brother died from the affects of alcohol.

    In addition, seven first cousins in the family all died from alchoholism.

    My first husband turned out to be an alcoholic. I’m sure my sister is an alcoholic too. My surviving brother drinks far too much.

    That is some family tree of alcoholics and some tree of dysfuntional ways of thinking and behaving.

    When I was still a child I vowed that I would never drink alcohol and to this day I haven’t. I’m now 66. I’m also the outsider in the family because I don’t live the same lifestyle as the rest. That is throwing booze down my throat until it kills me. I seem to have been the outsider looking in wondering what it is that’s wrong with them all that they need alcohol to survive.

    I’ve paid a high price for being different and leading a very different lifestyle. In essence I have not had a loving, sober family to be around and share with.

    My son who is 39, won’t touch alcohol thank god.

    By the way, we are all Scottish, the land of whisky and alcoholics galore.

    • July 14, 2017 at 12:44 pm

      Hi Sally,
      Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sure many can relate to having so many alcoholics in their family and being the outsider because they chose differently.
      best wishes,

  • June 13, 2019 at 5:05 am

    You are SO RIGHT! “Parenting is VERY, VERY, VERY hard.”
    We moved our three children several times, due to work related promotions. At the time, I thought that just keeping the family together was the best choice. In hindsight, I can see the trauma that it caused in my children. At this point, I really do not know how to help them to maneuver through their insecurities, people-pleasing, “fixer-relationships” and anxious personalities. I wish that I could just have a do-over. There is so much that I have learned from my experience and from reading about codepency. It is hard to see the future but I want to thank you for writing with such clarity and I pray that the young parents out there will have the foresight to make choices that will strengthen their families for the troubled times that WILL come.

  • May 5, 2020 at 11:26 am

    I still dont understand the nature of my addiction. No one in my family or extended family had drug or alcohol problems. The only mental illness in my family is mild depression in my aunt and grandpa and my cousin is OCD – I didnt grow up in their household or their town. I didnt experience any form of abuse or neglect. My mom was an enabler and my dad was on a very mild scale. My sister and I always got along. I remember not feeling like I was a good kid and started stealing, lying, smoking cigarettes in grade school. In our drug awareness class in grade school we were educated in the harmful outcomes of drugs. The cop brought in a posterboard of street drugs in baggies and vials. I remember seeing that and thinking “that looks so fun! I cant wait to go to a party and try this stuff” It did not deter me in any way. I was drawn to it. I was always in trouble and I enjoyed the feeling it gave me to get away with skipping school or sneaking beers. I started using cocaine and weed at 14. I drank consistently throughout high school and tried acid, shrooms, meth, pills all of it. I became addicted to pain pills around 25 until 35 and then used heroin for 6 months or so. I quit heroin after getting robbed and quit pills shortly after for two or three years. I started using meth at 35 and it took over my life. I lost my marriage, my home, my job, my family and friends. I was homeless and in a extremely abusive relationship. I still use meth and started using pills again about a year ago. I am in a relationship with someone new and no longer homeless. I work a few hours a week due to C-PTSD from the abuse I endured. But I am still using drugs. I have been using for the last 20 years. I have been to rehab four times and in and out of therapy since age 14. I feel completely hopeless. How did I get this way? I dont understand it. I feel cursed and doomed. I really just want to give up.


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