7 thoughts on “You Don’t Get a Childhood When You Grow Up in an Alcoholic Family

  • April 10, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    I agree wholeheartedly. I had an alcoholic father until I was 7 and my mom divorced him. Then I had a stepfather that started out as an alcoholic but got clean. However, even though he stopped drinking he never got better. This man beat me literally within inches of my life regularly and outright stopped my heart twice. I never had what I really considered friends until my stepfather came along with my brother, we were even only 4 months apart in age. I have no idea what a normal childhood is like but I always knew that I could not have it. I could never tell anyone what was going on because my stepfather told me if I did he’d kill my sisters and mom while making me watch before killing me. I never got help for it and am pretty well off having worked through it on my own. I would not recommend this, if you went through it definitely find someone to confide in. Even if it’s not a mental health professional find someone it will do a world of good.

    Reply
    • April 10, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Justin,
      I’m so sorry for all you went through as a kid. Sadly there are a lot of kids suffering in similar ways and yet it can be so isolating….as you say, it’s not something most kids feel like they can talk about. I’m glad you’ve been able to put your life back together and I agree finding support from a friend or support group or any positive, loving person is invaluable.

      Reply
  • May 17, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    I relate to this! I grew up in an addicted household and I still feel the effects.

    Reply
  • August 29, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    What I love about this blog is how you speak so clearly to the adult child of an alcoholic – but even if there was no addiction, these traits are important to identify in order to feel less alone. Healing from an alcoholic family takes time but blogs like these help that person feel heard and start the healing!

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  • December 16, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    Self-employed, my father had a can of beer in his hand day and night, even so, he was an affectionate father toward me when he was around. I felt more special than my three brothers who he would beat with his leather belt. Turn the coin and I can speak of a mother who was mentally something. She would purchase toys, clothes, and such for my three brothers, but only the bare necessities came my way. My mother was brutally abusive toward me both physically and verbally, yet never did she treat my brothers harshly.

    After reaching fourteen years of age, the juvenile court placed me in a Jewish boarding school for the next two years. When I returned home at age sixteen, the family dynamics had not changed. What self-esteem I developed while away was striped by my abusive mother and my alcoholic father who had become mean and indifferent.

    I believe some of the personality traits described in your article, such as, perfectionism, over-achieving, and people pleasing are what enabled my successes, but, unfortunately, did not shield me from a lifetime of psychiatric issues.

    Only when my mom died, at 55 years of age, did I realize that I missed her, that I did not want her to die. Not once in my life did I say I love you mom. Perhaps my psyche is that of a dog…no matter what they remain loyal.

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    • August 3, 2018 at 10:11 am

      Cynthia Lynn, how awful for you to have gone through this as a child. It is apparent that your Dad favored you as a daughter and your Mom was jealous of the relationship. My Mom was that way toward me. Its not your fault. I wonder if you miss your Mom or are missing the Mom you never had. After becoming a Mom, I found it more difficult to understand how a Mother does not feel affection toward a child. I hope you are doing well and have the love and comfort from others in your life.

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      • August 7, 2018 at 4:45 am

        She was waiting to hear
        Those Words I could not say
        It was too complicated
        And the sun does set anyway

        She knew I would miss her
        When she passed on
        It no longer feels complicated
        And the sun did set anyway

        I would have spoken those words
        If I knew I would miss her
        As much as I do

        Now I whisper, I whisper
        Though she is gone
        I whisper, softly whisper
        I love you, mom

        Cynthia Lynn 5/2016

        Reply
 

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