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Irrefutable Evidence that you’re a Perfectionist

Irrefutable Evidence that you're a Perfectionist

 

 

I’ve been working with perfectionists in my psychotherapy practice for many years. I also happen to be a recovering perfectionist myself. I’ve narrowed down the most common signs of perfectionism to these nine traits.

 

Signs you are a perfectionist:

1. High expectations for yourself

Perfectionists need to succeed, win, and be the best all the time. You are chasing an A+ or salesman of the year award. Anything less is unacceptable.

 

2. Self-Critical

You obsess over mistakes and criticize yourself for every little misstep. Comparison is your middle name. Social media has become a minefield of comparisons. Everything is a constant reminder that you’re not measuring up.

 

3. Need to please others

You have a strong need for others to like you and be pleased with your work. You believe others will judge you and/or not like you if you aren’t perfect. You may have a chronic feeling that you are disappointing people.

 

4. Can’t tolerate criticism or negative feedback from others

Criticism is extremely painful for perfectionists. When you’ve defined your self-worth by being perfect and pleasing everyone, it will hurt like hell to have someone tell you that you aren’t measuring up. You may become angry and defensive or end up in a puddle of tears at the first hint that someone is unhappy with you. Perfectionists also tend to take things personally, so you may be interpreting things as criticism when they really aren’t.

 

5. Fear

Perfectionists are filled with all kinds of fears – failure, abandonment, rejection or not fitting in. These fears fuel your insecurities. Being flawless seems to be the best protection from embarrassment, shame, criticism, and loneliness.

 

6. Harsh or critical of others who don’t live up to your high standards

Some perfectionists are not only hard on themselves, but also have high expectations for everyone else. This can lead you to be highly critical, impatient, and harsh with others. This can do a number on your personal and professional relationships.

 

7.  Goal driven

Perfectionists can push themselves very hard, setting big goals and often achieving great things. Unfortunately, you may be so focused on the outcome that you miss out on the process.

 

8. Procrastination and overthinking

Despite being goal driven, and often very successful, perfectionists often suffer from procrastination and overthinking. High expectations and low tolerance for mistakes makes it hard to start and/or finish projects. Perfectionism and fear can paralyze you from trying new things. You easily get caught up in over analyzing things, which contributes to indecision and inaction.

 

9. All or nothing thinking

You tend to see things as all or nothing: I’m a  success or a I’m a failure. I’m worthy or I’m unworthy.

 

So, how many of these traits do you have? If you have more than three, I hope you’ll stick around and learn how to be Happily Imperfect with me!

*****

 

To find out more, join my Facebook page full of tips and articles on self-acceptance, healthy relationships, and happiness.
 

 

photo credit: freedigitalphotos.net

Irrefutable Evidence that you’re a Perfectionist

Sharon Martin, LCSW

Sharon Martin is an emotional wellness speaker, writer, and licensed psychotherapist. Her San Jose based practice specializes in helping over-stressed, high achieving adults and teens learn to embrace their imperfections and grow happiness. Her personal journey of overcoming perfectionism and people-pleasing traits, inspired her passion for this work. Sharon is the author of Setting Boundaries Without Guilt: A Workbook to Move You From Doormat to Empowerment. Sharon also enjoys teaching blogging and writing classes for therapists. You can find her on Twitter, instagram, and her website.


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APA Reference
Martin, S. (2018). Irrefutable Evidence that you’re a Perfectionist. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2015/09/irrefutable-evidence-that-youre-a-perfectionist/

 

Last updated: 1 Jan 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jan 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.