18 thoughts on “Why Do I Have So Much Inner Hate, Self-Loathing and Low Self-Esteem?

  • November 5, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Are we all faking it? Is it a matter of degree? How much are we faking and how many things do we not like about ourselves?

    Through my lengthy on again off again relationship with therapy. It seems that the therapist is happiest(believes we are doing better) the more we emulate the therapist’s idea of what we should be doing. I’ve had several therapists over my life time. And they all were happy as clams if I did what they would do if they were me. Or if I did what they actually did in their own lives.

    That’s one way of faking it. And, the therapist is content. The patient may not be, but the therapist is happy. Then, there’s the faking, I wonder if we all have to do to stay sane. No one is perfect. I’ve been over weight before and I hated my reflection. I hated my body. Why didn’t I get depressed? I faked it. Then, something got under my skin and I lost weight. But, there are things I hate about myself. And, I’m not faking it. And, I’m depressed. I hate that I’m Bipolar II. Recently diagnosed at age 43 ish. I’m depressed. Is it because this is looming so large in my mind? I can’t fake it? I don’t know. But, I think a little faking doesn’t hurt.

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  • November 5, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    Sometimes I think we hate ourselves because we learned at an early age a lie from people who “cared” for us. They lied when they told us that we are stupid, they lied when they said we wouldn’t make anything of ourselves and they lied when they made us feel like we didn’t belong. So really, is there any other way to feel about ourselves than hateful? I have been working very diligantly lately to rewrite my memories of my childhood – the words that were repeated to me which made me feel unloved and unloveable and unacceptable I have no sense of belonging because I was made to feel that I didn’t belong. I was told that I wasn’t the only girl in the family but one of the boys. It’s been very difficult for me to deal with. But I am learning that it would be better to accept myself for who I am and to be kind and gentle with myself as I would with anyone else going through this experience. Ask yourself if you came across someone like yourself would you abuse – verbally berate them the same way that you are abusing yourself with the self hate? Are you being fair with yourself? It’s not easy for us, I know, but don’t just fake it till you make it – try being kind and compasionate and understanding with yourself. Give yourself a break – you deserve it whether you believe it or not.
    Smile – and tell yourself that you did good today.

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    • November 5, 2010 at 11:44 pm

      Thank You Sheila, I like your reasoning on this subject, and that you know right away I would feel I did not deserve it… I will try to be understanding of my-self… but it will tack a LOT of convincing. I’ll start by telling my self I did good today writing this post. Since it’s 11:45PM EST I know I can screw up the last 15 mins… so today will be a good day.

      Thanks again for your comment and opening up.

      🙂

      Reply
  • November 5, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    good ideas bro fake it till you make it ill try it

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  • November 6, 2010 at 8:10 am

    Great page! Thank you for your friendship Chato.

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  • November 6, 2010 at 8:53 am

    I can so relate to everything you are saying. I did some therapeutic self-assigned therapy homework around self-talk and how it affects my self-esteem.

    See my Oct 28 blog post if you are interested in reading about the “band-aid” exercise.

    Wishing you the best!

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