From The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependency Narcissist Trap. Chapter 13: Your Life Begins Now!
We must end the global blight of Self-Love Deficit Disorder, if not for ourselves, then for our children and their children’s children. You, as a husband or wife, sister or brother, friend, or, for that matter, simply as a concerned member of mankind, should consider joining my crusade of stamping out this crippling disorder and becoming a part of the worldwide self-loving fraternity.
I beseech you to let go of your codependency baton, hang up your running cleats, and confidently and gracefully walk away from your family’s long line of winning, but losing, track stars. The price you will pay if you stay on your family’s team will come at too high of a cost. Please trust me on this. I know.
The path to the Codependency Cure and Self-Love Abundance is a rocky one, to be sure. It will be strewn with obstacles over which you will likely trip. You will probably fall, get hurt, and not want to get up again. It is neither a short nor an easy road to travel, but as I am sure you have heard many times before, it is not the journey, but the destination. As noted, expect to make a one-to-two-year commitment to complete the journey. This might seem like a long time. However, if you consider the combination of the dysfunctional forces responsible for your SLDD, and the percentage of your life you have already been encumbered by it, you will see how patience and perseverance will get you where you need to be—sooner than you can imagine. And the payoff will be more than you could conceive.
Be prepared. Something as good as SLA is going to ruffle some feathers. The bird that learns to fly again, after having its wings clipped, will compel its captor to want to return it to its cage. If you resist their efforts to force you back inside the cage, they will likely double down on methods that originally worked to bring you into compliance. And try they will. The math is simple: there will be an equal ratio between your attempts to escape and their countermeasures to re-clip your wings. Remember that. This will be the fight of a lifetime; it will not be easy, and there will be painful, but surmountable, consequences.
As each component of your gaslit self is dismantled, you will reacquaint yourself with your real self and others-narrative. Despite not always being happy or positive, they will no longer point downward to the shameful abyss where SLDD resides, but rather in the direction of the sky, where your self-loving future can be found.
What would you say if I told you that you always held all the winning cards in your hand, but never knew it? Now that narcissists are no longer choreographing your reality, you can finally be what you were always meant to be.
Often, the toughest journeys are the ones that have the biggest payoffs. Although my dad taught me little about self-love, every so often he accidentally passed on tidbits of wisdom. He used to say, “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” Regarding your fight for SLA, he was spot on. This “lunch” will be expensive but believe me when I tell you it will be worth all the time and energy you “spend” on it.
My Surgeon General’s Warning
If I were the Surgeon General of the U.S., I would post the following warning where everyone could see it. Unlike warnings posted on cigarette packs and bottles of wine, this one would warn about the potential dangers of what will happen if you don’t do something to resolve your current SLDD, as well as warn you of the pain that will occur when you do. Knowledge is power, and power is paramount for the uphill battle to get the monkey off your back and join the community of self-loving people. Don’t be frightened and discouraged by the below warning. Instead, reach deep into your self and grab hold of the long-buried courage you always had, but didn’t know existed.
Ten Tips on How To Drop The Codependency “Baton”
- Create a four generation family tree that only illustrates codependency and narcissism.
- Journal on the emotions that are triggered by the family tree exercise.
- At the end of each day, record the distribution of LRC (love, respect and caring) in the day. Pay close attention to who gave what and when they gave it.
- Journal on your LRC statistics, which includes why you think it is happens.
- Journal on your thoughts and feelings regarding the lack of mutuality and reciprocity of LRC in your life.
- Create a “cost-benefit” list with two columns, the first one on why you should remain with your Pathological Narcissist(s) and the other the advantages of breaking free
- Create a 2nd cost-benefit list with two columns, the 1st listing the losses and consequences of staying and the 2nd illustrating the advantages on breaking free (from the narcissist and from codependency).
- Journal on your fears of the losses
- Journal on your hopes and dreams of breaking free
- Share your learning and growth with a friend