One thought on “Why Writers Have A Hard Time In Recovery

  • August 3, 2018 at 8:32 am

    I kinda get this. I discovered I was C PTSD very late in life, though the information had been available for 10 years prior to that, it just got misinterpreted so the malaise continued until some lateral thinking insights threw it up.
    Not best pleased to be hobbled with this, but at last there was a pathology and pretty fair chance the diagnosis was correct.
    Not the easiest thing to deal with either, the long umbilical cord feeding childhood grief rooted in the first stages of development a little too close to the id phase and this self had a mercurial explosive temper.
    And quite rightly so in retrospect, because of the arsehole , my father, who had put me through a near death experience.
    But in early days such an uncontrollable temperament met with adult steel and I was forced to put it all away for safety’s sake.
    Developed a peace at any price outlook, which therefore denied the real me expression, and development, and introduced me to the indigo river even when young.
    Life therefore became a road less travelled with my hot headed “id-iot” locked away as I people pleased myself into the wrong work relationships etc etc , and was plain my own worst enemy.
    All compounded by the fact that the NDE had been wiped out from my memory , but not my emotional one so my PTSD body was often out of synch with my conscious mind..Dr Dr Jekyll I presume, but what about me Mr Hyde..Oh nobodies listening to me I’ll do life wrecking ball…
    However, I do have an eclectic mix of visual and literary expression, which occasionally burst forth, especially when I was pissed, and no its not alcoholism, though it could have been.
    Too expensive plus not really physically able to cope with that amount.
    Course lots of arty mates could swill it too, so I was in good company, but the usage was self medication, and alas its not a cure.
    Recent events have thrown up a tipping point which has forced me to ask myself why, and herein lies the proof.
    Denial of any part of your basic nature creates an inevitable identity crisis.
    Thinking back to my fulminate of mercury days, and their primal expression, I kinda realised I had to unlock the cage .
    Embracing such a dark demon was difficult, but I accepted its presence within me with empathy and compassion, after all we are brothers in arms.
    Drinking though freeing, is not authentic self expression, but there has to be a rites of passage after eliminating that demon to allow my shadow it place in the affray.
    This is bloody hard work.
    Theres a lot of lonesome baying at the moon shaped as a bottle, but the depression is lifting, and new art will out.
    It won’t be great art, but it will be me..


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