9 thoughts on “Is Shaming Yourself a Habit? The Magic Question to Help Stop Shame in Its Tracks

  • April 17, 2019 at 10:05 am

    Thank you! When I asked the question, it immediately dispelled the negative memories. Realizing the shame came from my childhood, helped me understand my moods, depression which came and went. Such a simple solution to a life-long struggle with the “me – not me” that plagued every decision. What a relief. Thanks, again.

    • April 17, 2019 at 7:04 pm

      I’m so glad. To me, it brings you from the past into the present. Thanks so much for commenting.

  • April 17, 2019 at 11:22 am

    I personally don’t find “Is this helpful?” terribly useful. Because my automatic reaction is to think: “Well, sure it is helpful! If I didn’t beat myself up, what sort of terrible person would I become?”

    What I find useful is to think: “What do I really want to happen about this?” It helps me focus on positive action, or, if I can’t think of a positive action, at least to focus on my priorities.

    • April 17, 2019 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Doly. I think we’re on a similar track; we’re just getting there in different ways. To me, both questions ask that you bring yourself into the moment you’re living, the choice you’re trying to make in the present. And applies rationality to it. And I certainly like thinking about positive action! I’d also like to suggest that the very process of asking my question and noticing your automatic reaction — that beating yourself up is preventing you from becoming a terrible person — could be highly enlightening. Thanks so much for offering such a thoughtful comment.

  • April 17, 2019 at 12:30 pm

    This was really good, straightforward and helpful. Thank you.

  • April 19, 2019 at 8:15 am

    “Mostly” to quote a best friend.
    I spent a long time sieving the historic rocks out of my psychology before I found a kind of tilth on which new thought processes could prosper.
    There was an element of time, as with all new growth, and being far from perfect in my sieving, a few boulders escaped, but with persistence I found information which allowed me to reconfigure the way I looked at these …like another opportunity for change as against carrying useless ” historic heavy karma”.
    Not everyones way of course, but I found the less junk I carried the more spontaneous my life became, and so heres me in my 70’s having sorted that one time melancholy baby…
    Cheers best friend Luce

    • April 19, 2019 at 8:38 am

      I’ve stumbled over a few boulders myself… sounds like whatever process of filtering through those historic rocks was helpful and freeing. Thank you for connecting.


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