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Hear Me Out!
with Sam Garanzini, LMFT & Alapaki Yee, LMFT

Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.


Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.

Everyone wants happiness and success in their lives. The social community around you contributes a great deal to both.

It won’t come as a surprise to anyone that having good friends in your life makes you happy. But how can a thriving social community help you be more successful?

In this age of networking, your next big contract could be just one connection away.

Your ideal partner may already be right in front of you too, within your circle of friends.

By now, you might be wondering how to go about building a community like this for yourself.

Do you get on an app? Go to the bar? Join the student union?

Whether you are single or in a relationship, it is essential to be part of a social community.

Humans are pack animals. We thrive in communities ― but sometimes, bonding with people similar to us doesn’t come easy.

Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.

Approach and Mindset
What do you look for in friends? People who are just like you, right?

Maybe not.

It may seem easier to look for friends who like the same things you do, but it is often a mistake.

To build a community that can truly enrich your life, approach the situation with a growth mindset and a desire to absorb a variety of views, interests, and cultures.

If you want to meet people who can contribute to your success and happiness, approach them with the same mindset and intention.

It ultimately starts with you. Think about yourself differently.

Temporary measures like changing your profile picture or getting on the right apps might help you find friends quickly, but they are not long-term solutions.

Whether you are looking for a new partner or trying to build a social circle, remember ― a partnership is not a case of two halves making a whole.

A partnership is about coming together as two complete individuals to create something new.

The Mind-Body Connection
It might sound cliche, but what you think of yourself significantly impacts how you feel ― and ultimately, what you do.

Factors such as belief, confidence, and affirmations draw people towards you.

Everyone wants to be a 10 when it comes to their happiness, success, and social life.

However, confidence, belief, and affirmations are not enough to get you there. You also need to apply and exhibit these traits in your everyday life.

Setting realistic goals will also help you get where you aspire to be.

Set simple goals that are easy to achieve and make it impossible for you to fail. 

Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.

For instance, say hello to a stranger or join a social media app.

Research shows over 20% of gay couples meet on apps.

The idea of meeting a stranger online may seem daunting, but many people have formed communities online by identifying common goals, likes, and interests.

If you’re an introvert, it is a lot easier to talk to someone new via an app. It will also help you build the confidence to approach people in person.

“But I Don’t Like Rejection!”
We get it ― no one likes rejection.

Imagine walking up to a stranger, saying hello, and getting knocked back.

Stings, doesn’t it?

Now imagine approaching the same person on an app. Maybe they dismiss you or don’t reply.

Still stings, but a little less maybe.

Approaching someone makes you vulnerable. That vulnerability is what builds connections, and rejection is part of being vulnerable.

Rejection and vulnerability are a part of all relationships you will form.

What about those seemingly confident people? Those who don’t seem to get affected by rejection?

The truth is, it affects everyone.

The only difference between you and them is they dust themselves off and get their game face on. They understand each rejection brings them one step closer to a new connection.

Remember, use the same approach for each new person you meet. Then change, optimize, and adapt it to suit each potential connection.

Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.

Work On Yourself First
We’ve worked with many couples and singles at the Gay Couple’s Institute.

A common mistake people make is blaming everyone and everything outside their control.

“This bar is terrible.”

“The drinks are too expensive.”

“This app is full of fraudsters.”

“This book regurgitates the same old tropes.”

These are things you can’t control. However, you can control yourself. 

You can work on your confidence and mindset.

You can create a social community by making a deliberate effort and applying all the lessons you have learned elsewhere.

The more you work on yourself, the closer you will be to achieving success and happiness.

If you would like to work with a professional, reach out to us at the Gay Couples Institute. Our friendly and knowledgeable team will help you create a roadmap to achieve the happiness and success you desire.


ABOUT SAM GARANZINI, LMFT, LPCC, and ALAPAKI YEE, LMFT
Sam Garanzini and Alapaki Yee are Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapists and the co-founders of the Gay Couples Institute – the world’s only gay and lesbian couples counseling clinic. The Gay Couples Institute has locations in Northern California and Manhattan, as well as online counseling services available.

For more information about how the Gay Couples Institute can help you, please visit: www.gaycouplesinstitute.org

Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.


Sam Garanzini, LMFT


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APA Reference
Garanzini, S. (2019). Struggling to Build a Social Community? Check Out Our Expert Tips for Happiness and Success.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 1, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/hear-me-out/2019/12/struggling-to-build-a-social-community-check-out-our-expert-tips-for-happiness-and-success/

 

Last updated: 18 Dec 2019
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.