There comes a time when every father should talk to his daughters about sex. That’s what I did on Christmas day. My daughters are in their early forties.
Wait to have sex
Of course a father would do well to speak about sex with his children before they are in their forties, but it’s never too late. And the conversation I had isn’t specific to my daughters, it’s about men, women and sex in general. After doing couples counseling for twenty-five years I’ve come to believe that women who make men wait an extended period of time before having sexual intercourse end up with better partners.
Here’s my point of view as a happily married man, a father, and a couples counselor of twenty-five years. As a woman you will naturally attract men who are interested in your looks. These men are also interested in connecting with you sexually. Nothing wrong with that. But if you give men full access to your body too quickly, it sends a message that reinforces the idea in their mind that you are a sexual object. Men who see you in that way are likely to focus more on sex than on you as a person.
If, on the other hand, when a man is attracted to you, you say, “Let’s get to know each other for two or three months before we become sexual,” that will turn away men who only want sex. But, for the men who are looking for more depth and a more mature partner, it won’t deter them at all. In all likelihood they’ll find it attractive. Not in the sense that it’s a challenge, but they’ll respect the way you value yourself.
Make them earn access to your body. Don’t just give yourself away. Then when you do connect sexually, the connection will be more special.
How often to have sex
What about frequency of sex? Yes, this varies widely, with some couples happily copulating like bunnies and others who rarely have sex. But, again, I’ll share my observation, which is that people who have sex daily, or multiple times a day, aren’t satiating their need for love.
Maybe they don’t know how to receive love or give love or ever feel satisfied and sex becomes some kind of substitute.
The healthiest and happiest couples I work with—in their forties—seem to enjoy having sex a couple of times a week, maybe more when they’re on vacation. Two, three times a week seems like a healthy expression of desire without any sense of compulsion.
No, I’m not saying if you’re having sex six times a week there’s something wrong with you, not if you’re happy and both partners feel respected. I am truly talking in generalities and that’s always unfair to the outliers, the exceptions. So figure out for yourselves what feels healthy to you. My main point is that your body is precious, treat it that way and you’ll attract partners who do as well.
For more details review the Dating Relating Mating course that addresses this topics and many others.