- Seek a new therapist
- Focus on the next steps to individuate from parents, and/or partners.
- Seek constitutional Homeopathic treatment.
When therapy is no longer feeling productive, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the problem. So, consider the following options . . .
1— Find a New Therapist
Yes, even a therapist who was right for a time may not be right all the time. There are many kinds of therapy and we need to find one that fits our needs and the unique individuals we are. And since we change over time, our therapists may need to change as well.
Much of therapy today is akin to handholding. There is nothing wrong with this, but we may need to have something more proactive. At times, we may need a method that will get us out of the complaining mode and into an action mode—perhaps a therapy that not only makes us feel safe but also will foster our growth.
My therapist helped me change my world not by hand holding, but by doing two things: he helped me see my own strengths and value; and he gave me actual assignments to work toward individuating from my parents, and then later, individuating from my partner.
2— Individuate From Parents and Partners
Individuation is a process of growing up psychologically, a process where we become our own person. It is the business of breaking the unconscious ties that bind us to our family of origin. And if we don’t complete that process with our family of origin, and most of us don’t, we will carry remnants into our romantic partnerships and at some point we will need to complete the process of individuating from our partner.
We need to free ourselves from the compromises we’ve made in the service of social acceptance or our parents expectations. There’s a lot of compromising that we did that we’re unaware of. Often this compromising results in making ourselves smaller to fit into other people’s ideas of what is acceptable.
We’ve been given “truths”, told what’s “right and wrong” and some of us never questioned these messages. Some of us rebelled against these messages, but rebelling isn’t the same as individuating. Individuation is not a license to break all the rules; it’s about discovering what we value and then making a choice to live accordingly.
Individuation is a quest for our own truth. And a therapist who’s steeped in this understanding can help us map out the journey. They can help us see what we don’t see and where we need to go.
Relationships between parents and adult children need to become adult/adult relationships and this can also be necessary between life partners and sometimes friends.
“As we individuate we take greater responsibility for our choices, our behaviors, our beliefs and the emotional footprints we create and leave behind. Paradoxically, the more responsibility we take, the more freedom we have—the freedom to be ourselves. As we take more responsibility for ourselves, we untie our familial knots. It is those knots that keep us bound up as victims of our past.” Jake Eagle, ReRight Your Life, An Introduction To Reology.
3— Seek Constitutional Homeopathic Treatment
This may seem like a leap unless you have experienced the ways that homeopathy can stimulate psychological health and growth. My husband, a psychotherapist, often sends his most “stuck” patients to me for classical Homeopathy. These patients receive a constitutional remedy that provides them with some breathing room from old issues, old patterns, and old wounds that have weighed them down for years—even decades.
Often a constitutional Homeopathic remedy will take these clients to a new level of physical and emotional health so that they are more available to engage in productive psychotherapy. They’ll then have new energy and greater perspective with which to work on their lives.
With Homeopathic support, patients commonly un-stick themselves from old childhood issues, failed relationship dynamics, diminished self-esteem and they are not as prone to having these issues unconsciously run their lives. Often, too, these issues simply become less bothersome so the patient can move on to more productive levels of personal growth.
Homeopathy is a natural medicine that has been supporting physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health for over two hundred years. As a constitutional medicine it has been helping to stimulate the immune system and help people return to a healthier version of themselves. If you are seeking to find a classical homeopath, feel free to contact me and I will do my best to help you find someone near you.
Again—The Three Things . . .
With these ingredients, Homeopathic support, and a suitable therapist, who helps you become the independent self-made individual you were meant to be, your life can become your own creation. You can free yourself and begin moving toward who you’ve always wanted to be.