In the world we live in, romantic relationships are easy and nourishing. That doesn’t mean that we don’t put effort into our relationships—we do—but we do so without any resistance because the process we use eliminates most conflict, all aggression, and any form of disrespect. So, it’s easy. And as a bonus, we don’t spend a whole bunch of time processing “stuff.”
Relationships are hard when you expect them to be hard
It seems to be a common belief nowadays that romantic relationships are hard work. Many people tell us how challenging it is to be with their partner, but they frame this as a good thing, explaining, “My partner really pushes my buttons which provides an opportunity for me to grow.”
We don’t buy into that belief system. First of all, we don’t think other people push our buttons. That whole notion reinforces the idea of a victim and a bully. And except in rare situations we don’t think adults are victims.
Second, life has plenty of challenges. They’ll be no shortage of challenges that spur our growth—emotionally and spiritually. We believe people grow more when they feel safe and nourished, not when they feel threatened and judged.
Relationships are hard when you’re with the wrong person
When we say the “wrong” person, what we mean is that your partner may be wrong for you. We encourage people to evaluate their partnerships by seeing how compatible you and your partner are in four areas:
It’s extremely helpful to evaluate compatibility when you’re dating because you can avoid wasting time with the “wrong” person. Once you’re involved in a relationship, of course it’s more difficult to walk away even if you lack compatibility. But it’s really worth assessing this question of compatibility. Some aspects of the way you relate can be adjusted, others can’t. So figure out what’s what.
Part of the solution
If you and your partner are reasonably compatible—but relating with one another isn’t easy—maybe your problem is you lack a model of what healthy romantic partnerships look like.
On Saturday, November 7th, at 9am (mountain time), we’ll be hosting a conversation about one model for creating healthy romantic relationships. If you’d like to join us, click this link.
The program will be 60-90 minutes long and we expect it to be both informative and fun.
If you’d like more general information about our work, please visit our website: www.reology.org.