The Perfect Partner
~ Anna Quindlen
But is there really such a thing as the perfect partner? Yeah, I think there actually is, at least one who is perfect for you—but your perfect partner won’t be perfect for everyone. And if they could be, you’d likely have to be perfect too.
Nobody’s perfect. You already knew that. But our fights to be right in our relationships often stem from that very delusion. We think that if we’re wrong then we’re not perfect. And we must be perfect to deserve love. Why else would being right be so important to us?
What if we could let go of the need to be perfect? Would we ever need to fight again? Could we actually get more love?
We can actually become more lovable by owning our imperfection.
I recently returned from a 5-day workshop. I do this every year—attend someone else’s workshop—to keep myself growing and to stimulate my creativity for our own retreats. As usual, I chose a program that would push me beyond my comfort zone because according to Nietzsche, “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
John Weir, our mentor, said that: “Growth only happens when we first disorient ourselves and then reorient ourselves with what we have learned.” The way I experience this is that if I make space for something new, something unknown, I expand myself and become more of who I am are capable of being.
In order to do this “something new,” it helps me first to own that I am human and less than perfect. This is my starting point. Once I embrace my imperfection, I’m a lot less anxious about moving out of my comfort zone. I’m less nervous about being seen as less than perfect.
Salvador Dali once said:
“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”
I assume that we all want to be seen as being on top of our game, yet, by giving up on being perfect, I have opened the door to becoming more accepting of who I am and likely more loved and more lovable . . . especially by and to myself.
In fact, when I give up my need to be perfect, ironically, I feel a little more perfect! As long as I am kind, behave maturely, and do my part in my partnership, I can enjoy the freedom to really be myself.
And just because I think there might be a state of perfection doesn’t mean that there actually is one. So far I’ve never seen or heard of any human being that was perfect. Not any guru, not the pope, not the president, not anybody. I guess I’ll have to break the news to Jake 🙂
Will I always remember to embrace my imperfection? No.
Do I occasionally fight to be right . . . Yes, but this is rare, and if I find myself fighting to be right, I can always stop and ReDo myself when I become aware of what I am doing.
Actually when I stopped trying so hard to be perfect, I became a much more interesting person. Being imperfect added depth to my character—which then made it possible to find the perfect partner. Jake is perfect for me.
, . (2014). The Perfect Partner. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 22, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/healthy-relationships/2014/06/the-perfect-partner/