18 thoughts on “Why Do Married Women Have Affairs?

  • December 4, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Also women ,like men are imperfect and respond to different stimuli diferently in life and all of us are genetically wired biologically to continue the species

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  • December 4, 2012 at 11:58 am

    An affair is only painful because of the betrayal. Polyamourous couples don’t suffer the same type of earth shattering emotional roller coaster. Unconditional love cannot happen in a monogamous marriage. Monogamy is pretty big condition. At what point, as a culture, do we begin to examine that people are pressured at a young and tender age (usually 20s) to make a life long commitment of sexual fidelity and that perhaps these vows are fair to no one. On my wedding day, I only promised to love and support my husband until death due us part. Everything else should be negotiable.

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    • December 4, 2012 at 1:08 pm

      Pity Kitty: Thanks for adding to the discussion .You raise the ago old paradox of the wish for life-long commitment vs brain chemistry that looks for the stimulation of the novel and the different. It may be that because in the end because we can make choices there will be those who like yourself mutally leave open the possibility of social monogamy without sexual monogamy and those who will forwever find a way to mutually keep the passion and novelty in a commitment of that includes social and sexual monogamy – Thanks again – Suzanne

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  • December 4, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Is this really not just about wanting to be noticed rather than nurturing? If tyhe ages are looked at in conjunction with time married, and take away a ‘revenge motive’, it comes down to a Woman feeling that she has ceased to be a woman in her own right, and only thinking of herself as a care-giver/supporter to others?

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  • December 5, 2012 at 1:33 am

    My long term affair is what keeps my marriage tolerable. My husband is a kind but passionless provider, my lover is incredible in bed. They are total opposites. How could I possibly find completely opposite traits in the same person?

    When contemplating a divorce, an older woman friend counseled me: “But if you marry your lover, you’ll have to get a new boyfriend!”

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    • December 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm

      Read “The Ethical Slut” It’s a book about getting what you want without hurting other people.

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  • December 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    This idea that when a woman cheats its a man’s fault and when a man cheats its also a man’s fault is exactly why so many men view marriage as a trap and a waste of time.

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  • April 6, 2014 at 12:20 am

    I think it’s a choice of integrity and honesty.

    We aren’t bound by society’s rules. Get a divorce, and then let your future boyfriends know that your relationship will not be exclusive, because you love to go to bed with other men. Of course, you would have to give up your “provider” security blanket. That would cause you to both grow up, and take the consequences of your actions. I doubt you would have any long lasting, and worth while relationships with those conditions.

    If your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, then be a grown-up and work on it. Tell your partner what you want. If that doesn’t work after much effort, then have the guts to end the marriage, leave them and find someone else – don’t lie and cheat on the one you made promises to.

    What “Lovest” said, well, it’s really a little “out there”. If you have no shame, then why not come clean and tell your husband? Or are you ashamed? Is it that you really did promise something that you are not delivering? Do you just want to keep lying to him in order to fool him into thinking that you’re something that you are not. IYou want to hang onto the provider “security blanket” and use him, while undermining his trust and dignity. I don’t call that social monogamy, I call that deception and betrayl. You are living a lie…

    I had a 30 year marriage in which I decided that enough was enough. I never stepped outside the marriage. Was I tempted? Sure I thought about it, but I didn’t like the idea of walking around with skeletons in my closet, and living a lie. I tried marriage counseling, I tried expressing my wants, desires, and when I hit a brick wall at every turn in the road, then I was straight forward and told my spouse it was over.

    For Lovest and PittyKitty, my heart goes out to your significant others. They probably have no idea what you really are. And don’t fool yourself that you’re not hurting anyone else besides yourself. You are depriving them of finding someone really worthwhile that could love and appreciate them. And you might even break the heart of the person you are fooling around with, who may hope someday you will be with them.

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    • June 11, 2015 at 12:17 pm

      This is an EXCELLENT response.

      I’m a man that caught his wife cheating in another relationship.

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  • May 6, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Many women nowadays just Can’t stay Committed to just one man anymore.

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  • June 23, 2015 at 2:25 am

    This idea that when a woman cheats its a man’s fault and when a man cheats its also a man’s fault is exactly why so many men view marriage as a trap and a waste of time.

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  • November 4, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    To those women who justify cheating:

    I am a man. I am a man who has been married for almost 30 years. We have what everyone calls “a perfect life”: both professionals, both have masters degrees, have a dream home, travel together, spend quality time together, and have a wonderful only-child who’s as good as it gets. He just got himself a masters degree and is very successful.

    Never did I worry about my wife hiding anything from me. We are a church-going and God-fearing people. We help everyone we can and consider ourselves very, very blessed.

    But I just found out that she’s been cheating on me for a long, long time with a married guy. I found all these pictures, love notes, texts, and emails on her iPad, phone, and laptop that paint a picture I never could have imagined existed: that she had a long-term, long-distance relationship. I never saw that coming. She always tells me that I am her best friend and the person who has helped her the most in her entire life. And I believed her…

    When I confronted her with all the evidence she could only say that she only considered the guy as a “friend” but that things got out-of-hand and she couldn’t get out of that vicious cycle of lying and cheating.

    There’s no justification for what she did. For all the lying and cheating ALL THESE YEARS!! None whatsoever! Nothing I did “made her” cheat. This is ALL on her. Please don’t blame your husband when the cheater is YOU! You always have the option to get out of a relationship – if you are willing and capable of dealing with the consequences of your actions.

    If you are unhappy – then be a GROWN-UP and stop making excuses and speak up! Otherwise, be ready to live the consequences of your lying, and cheating. Stop pretending and reasoning your way out of cheating. YOU CAN’T!

    The only consolation I have is this: if they found each other, maybe they deserve each other. And if they end up together, they will never be able to trust each other, since the foundation of their relationship is an AFFAIR – and not true love.

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  • December 2, 2016 at 8:16 am

    My husband and I have been married for 24 years. We were high school sweethearts and together since our junior year of high school. He is my best friend, my love but at 47 my body is undergoing a change. We have two children and we moved across country last year for a job change. I never understood how anybody could cheat on their beloved but recently, with going through so much and my hormones going insane, I find myself physically attracted to another. I am refusing to submit to my carnal urges. Instead, I am channeling it towards my husband. We are having sex3-6 times a week on average and I am blowing his mind with my willingness to try new things. I am also seeing a therapist to help me through. I’m grateful for this experience because I have opened my mind and my hearts capacity for love of my husband has increased. We can overcome-everything in life is a choice.its not easy, but when you think through the consequences of a marital breach, it’s so not worth it. My kids and my husband are my number one priority.

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    • April 10, 2017 at 7:29 pm

      I’m glad this is working for you…I tried the same thing…husband is not interested.

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  • April 10, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    Many of the statements in the article hit home with me. We have been married 28 years but the last 5 or so have been very strained. I feel like the 6 years difference in our ages might as well be 50. I am in a different place in my life and have been very open with my husband about what I need from him to maintain our marriage. The intimacy has been gone for the last 5 years or so and as a 47 yr old woman, I need to be touched and feel desired. I do love my husband but it’s been increasingly difficult to connect with him as the years go by. I find myself gravitating toward a married man that I work with who is experiencing the same issues in his own marriage. Neither of us has stepped outside our marriages…yet. How can my husband say that I am the love of his life and that he’s crazy about me and yet never pay me a compliment, hug me, hold hands, cuddle or be intimate? I am so very confused about what to do. I’ve been open and honest, told him what I need AND told him I could always look for a ‘friend with benefits’ to get him off the hook physically…still nothing from him making ANY attempt to fix the one thing that is breaking our marriage in half. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on waiting for him to wake the hell up before I’m outta here. I’m too young to be ‘stuck’ so to speak in a an unfulfilling marriage…at least I can say I’ve tried to fix it.

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    • April 10, 2017 at 10:17 pm

      CradleRobber: You are not alone with this difficult situation. You describe that you made clear what you need. when you ask if it is possible for him to “compliment, hug me, hold hands, cuddle or be intimate? I am so very confused about what to do” what exactly does he say? NO answer if not an answer. Sometimes recognizing that it is hard for the other ( him in this case) to actually talk about what keeps him frozen – it is worth suggesting that you go get help to at least provide an opportunity to understand each other. Often couples can speak in front of a therapist or to the therapist as the other listens in a way that is not possible alone. If you love this man as you say you do – consider he may not have the words to explain where he is – but you need the chance to know he understands that you can’t proceed with the way things are – Thanks for your comment – many others are in your shoes -Suzanne

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  • November 1, 2018 at 4:39 am

    You will never know when you have never experience it.life is hard men and women what should you do when your husband is in denial and aggressive not seeing the problem not willing to get help,he is an alcoholic and he doesn’t. want to admit rad sex no intimacy no connection because he is always drunk when we have to ha sex that once in a while I have to be the one who’s bothering him that I want it

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  • December 23, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    Well since i have been there myself which i was the very faithful husband from the very beginning right to the end. It is very sad that these very pathetic low life loser women that cheat should really be punished by God since they really should’ve never been married in the first place to begin with.

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