11 thoughts on “Is Your Self-Esteem Threatening Your Relationship?

  • March 31, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    It must be a terrible thing to be in love with someone with low self-esteem, who has maybe been hurt badly in the past. I guess in one respect that they are always fighting against you, and that trying to create a more intimate relationship will scare them. Not everyone will have the patience to deal with their loved ones insecurities, which will lead to broken relationships and further damage to the individuals self-esteem. A very interesting article that has given me some food for thought.

    • March 31, 2011 at 10:25 pm

      Michael: Thanks for this sensitive comment – you have captured the dilemma that many folks face. It takes having someone understand so that a risk toward trust and the posibility of being loved can be made – thanks again, Suzanne

  • April 1, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    It’s really interesting to try and make self-esteem into something that can be measured! It’s really easy to see the impact that low self-esteem has on lives and relationships, but the only way to measure it is to ask the person how they feel! It’s completely subjective!

    It’s clear that self esteem issues threaten all relationships – this neediness that one person has for their loved one to constantly shower them with affection and compliments is one part of it (of course they need it, but are unlikely to accept any of it and will never be satisfied by it). There’s an extension to this, where someone with low self-esteem will attract a partner who needs to feed off someone with low self-esteem which easily leads to abuse.

    Good reading, thanks


  • April 5, 2011 at 6:41 am

    Its true that people with low self-esteem often underestimate their partners and end up hurting them and their relationship as well. The dreams that they see together just proves to b a phase and the understanding they show initially fades away with time.

    • April 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

      Jenny: I think this in fact is one of the tragic possibilities – but not the only possibility. If the partners understand each other and try to take small steps toward believing in the other’s efforts ( even if not quite perfect) they may well reach their dreams. Thanks for your comment – Suzanne

  • May 9, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    Being somebody who has struggled severely with self-esteem, I can definitely say that I have taken a stab at it a million times, if not more. Great article.

    I think you might find my articles interesting as far as self esteem goes. Having struggled with it and broken it down on so many levels in hopes to understand and conquer it, I can most certainly say that – acknowledging the beauty within yourself is one of the first steps one needs to do.


  • May 28, 2011 at 11:08 am

    My husband of 11 years has very Low self esteem which I only relised some years( about 3 years ago). When we meet he did not have much money and I felt he was a bit withdrawn cos of that, however subsequent years he got a very good job in a major oil company and I hoped the experience would provide an oppourtunity for him to gain some exposure. this has since proved unacheievable. He later insisted I further my education since according to him he did not want me to go through what he has been through. I took the oppourtuniy and travelled to the US to start uni. After my undergrad my husabnd resigned and relocated the US as well. Since he came we have been having series of problem becos of his low self esteem. it shows everywhere we go and its becoming rather embarasing to me and I seem to have fallen out of love with him. I really do not want to be with him again cos it affects me too. I am an averagely confident person but with him I constantly doubt myself and never enjoy goin out with him.

  • September 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    It is vital to love yourself first before entering into a relationship! Self-esteem issues are a huge challenge for many women and until they break the cycle of feeling unworthy they will settle for less than they truly deserve. I see this happen with my clients over and over again. I work to increase women’s self-confidence and self-esteem before ever breaching the process of seeking a partner or relationship. Thank you for posting this wonderful article.

  • January 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    It’s interesting that all the comments on this page regarding the article are from the perspective of or simpathetic to the partner of the one with low self-esteem.

    I agree that it has to be frustrating being that partner, but as someone currently facing a crisis of low self-esteem I can assure you that it’s excruciatingly painful being the one in crisis.

    You deperately want to believe what your partner is telling you and you crave the substantiation. Yet once you disclose your insecurities and have to ask for that bolstering, you don’t know from then on that any positive endorsement they give is sincere or contrived to try and make you feel better.

    Nobody in their right minds want to sabotage a long-term relationship. So it stands to reason that those with low self-esteem should be considered not in their right minds and encouraged to get help rather than discouraging the partner from continuing to try and help.

    • May 11, 2018 at 10:47 pm

      Thanks for this important perspective of the partner suffering with low self-esteem. No one wants to suffer this way. Yes seeking will be a crucial step. Another powerful step is self-compassion – Think of what you would do say to someone you loved who needed support – that’s the inner voice you deserve to hear -Special thanks for this important comment -Suzanne


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