Archives for May, 2010

Is Fidelity Enough to Sustain a Relationship?

In his interesting and provocative book, Monogamy, Adam Phillips suggests that “…the cruelest thing one can do to one’s partner is to be good at fidelity but bad at celebration.”

Is he right? Maybe.

To really sustain a loving and vital bond, you need to do more than just come home.  You need to come home in a way that makes your partner know why you are coming home to them. Just eating the meal he prepared or walking around the paint cans in the...
Continue Reading

Is There Room for Your Stuff and Your Partner?

In a new and fascinating book, Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee draw upon the stories of different people to illuminate the theory and meaning of collecting and hoarding. They cover the continuum from owning and treasuring something for its meaning, to the creative consideration of the limitless meaning of “ things” hoarded, to the extremes of the Collyer Brothers found buried under 30 years of hoarding 170 tons of stuff.

We all have stuff --...
Continue Reading

CPR for Worries

In the previous blog “Worry may be Hazardous to You and Your Relationship,” we recognized that excessive worry is costly. It takes time and energy but brings little rewards. It often leaves the worrier feeling helpless, anxious, physically depleted and more worried. Interpersonally, it compromises relationships, leaving partners feeling swept into the worry, avoidant or angry.

Worry need not be a life sentence or a relationship deal breaker. Drawing upon experts like Edna Foa and Reid Wilson who address coping with worries and...
Continue Reading