4 thoughts on “Why Daughters of Narcissistic/Difficult Mothers Mistake Anxiety For Love

  • December 30, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    Old school thinking. 1) because there are empathic boys as well as 2) there now plenty of fathers who did the majority of the caring feeding rocking to sleep cooking house work etc. when child was a baby.

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  • August 5, 2019 at 2:20 pm

    I can totally relate to this article, as it is exactly my experience in life.

    My mother was only 17 when I was born, and she carried large childhood trauma, plus married my 10 year older father who also had a, to say it mildly, rough childhood and was more than normally controlling at that time.
    My theory now at age 46, is that I did not get the attention or emotional support that I needed during my childhood and youth, plus; we were unlucky that my mother lost her breast milk, when I was only 3 weeks old.

    A pattern in my serial momogamous adult life, is me falling for men that was emotionally distant besides long periods emotionally unavailable and/or also physically away from me. They were also more or less abusive each in their own way, though never physically.
    I, on my side, lacked boundaries, and was as I see it now emotionally clingy, and also completely lacked the ability to stick my finger in the earth and figure out when it was the time to leave.
    I just waited patiently, was being oh-so-nice-and-loving-giving and ever-forgiving and hoped and hoped and hoped. For better times to come in the relationship.

    I suffered in all my relationships. In the last of them, I left because I felt if “I was not leaving now I would not survive (psychologically)”. And I finally turned to professional help.

    Quite a few years later, I was diagnosed with CPTSD, and when the truth about that diagnosis went up for me, it was no longer possible to ignore or reject the truth: I was just keeping on, time after time, to recreate my childhood in my adult “love” relationships. And as I explored and figured aout about my own emotional status and educational degree, I had to admit to myself that I had actually confused sexual attraction and the actual feeling of love with anxiety and “the-feeling-of-desperately-NEEDING-TO-BE-LOVED”. Wich is quiiiiite a difference. And still today, even if it is not new under the sun for me anylonger and I have seen the connections, I am still feeling shocked when thinking about this. The DIFFERENCE is so enormous. “How could I be so totally, incredibly wrong?!” (Sigh!)

    Today I am still actively working on myself and seeking more insight, more stories and more knowledge. Taking in, communicating with others whom understands, and practicing the new in everyday life. It takes work, resouces, priorities and maybe some time too, changing behaviour patterns and thought patterns of a lifetime. Professional help has been crucial for me (And as in all matters; prayers to God). All the work (and emotional pain) I am going through with this is so rewarding in form of personal development, a better life and becoming a better person, that I feel I want to keep learning and growing forever.

    Much love to everyone!

    Reply
    • August 5, 2019 at 5:46 pm

      What a lovely testament to the powers of transformation if you work to overcome childhood templates and stick to it. Kudos to you!

      Reply
      • August 5, 2019 at 11:02 pm

        Thank you! 🙂

        Reply
 

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