6 thoughts on “When It’s Time To Heal The Mother Wound: This Comes First

  • September 19, 2018 at 3:21 am

    “It’s gonna be okay.” Thanks Katherine, I needed to hear that. I NEVER heard that from EITHER parent. At least, not that I can remember.

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    • September 19, 2018 at 4:27 pm

      I’m so sorry you didn’t hear that from either parent. Most everything will pass and will be okay- if we can feel it. I think it is such an important parenting function to “hold space” for young children as they move through strong emotion to help them integrate feelings instead of needing to repress them.

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  • September 20, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    Dearest Katherine, I have read so many of your articles and have related to probably all of them. I had this one in spades. I think I have healed as much as I’m going to with this. I felt the loss, the grief, the anger, the denial, the disbelief.
    I actually told her she was the most toxic person I had ever met. This was after the discovery that she was never going to……. When I did that I felt so much relief, but also fear because “I knew I’d done it for good this time”. I didn’t find out about this phenomenon until I was in my late 40’s, I am now in my late 50’s and there is so much scar tissue there. However I accept there is damage there and I have learned to make the best of what is left over and I enjoy my life in a solo kinda way. It’s peaceful and quiet and I like that so much.

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    • September 20, 2018 at 5:20 pm

      How beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this painful but ultimately uplifting story.
      Peace to you,
      Katherine

      Reply
  • September 23, 2018 at 8:41 am

    As I read this I do not know how to word my thoughts. My Mother ran of when I was under 6 months old. She did have many more children (7 live births) I knew her all my life yet this haunts me till this day. Later in my life she acknowledged me to the other children. But I bare an emptiness due to being the outsider that looked in.
    The other 6 children were by the man she ran away with and the 7th child by a 3rd marriage. The fact that both parents denied me publicly left its mark on me.

    Reply
    • September 24, 2018 at 8:21 am

      I hear your pain, Pat. I hope you can come to see your abandonment as their shortcoming, not yours. Although it may feel near impossible now our psyches are built to heal after grieving a loss. It is a process and you need a witness to your pain- a therapist, clergy or good friend. Best of luck to you.

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