8 thoughts on “When Spiritual Relationships Go Awry – Part IV

  • April 15, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    There are people who need the power, based on the subordination of the man other people. And there are people for whom power is just superior to the others in some skills.

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  • April 17, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    What a good straight forward discription of transference to the guru. While practicing in Boulder, CO in the 80s and 90s, I met so many talented people that gave it up to, transferred their power to, the guru. And it usually was to their detriment. Their regression put in this “Spiritual” context seemed very resilient to interpretation and change.

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    • April 18, 2013 at 7:51 am

      What a keen observation. And it keeps happening, over and over

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  • April 22, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    PLEASE do your homework on victims of therapy abuse. You write, “Nobody can make us feel a certain way without our participation.” Give us recovering victims a break. When therapists have sex with their clients the blame lies squarely on the therapist, not the client.

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    • April 22, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      I am very familiar with therapy abuse. The therapist who engages in sexual misconduct with patients is acting irresponsibly and ethically and morally wrong and should be punished. That is what I write about in my book. The therapist is abusing his or her position of power and is exploiting the client’s trust. It is a form of sexual abuse. All responsibility goes to the professional.
      That said, there is often an element of idealization and regression on part of the client that makes this exploitation possible, which of course should be identified by the therapist. It is important to take a close look at your own psyche and ask yourself what made you a victim and where you gave away your power. Once you are able to understand this about yourself you can take back your power and move out of the victim role.

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  • July 11, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    I completely understand from an intellectual level how I project onto people in authority, and I spend alot of time “thinking” about why I do it and where it comes from. What I don’t understand is how exactly to work through it emotionally. I understand that due to my father’s abandonment I project many parental qualities onto men in authority. And I understand for the most part where my feelings are coming from, however all this “understanding” never really stops it from happening.

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    • July 12, 2013 at 9:55 am

      The experiential part is the challenge. The cognitive understanding is easy. Following through, not so much. But if you keep reminding yourself that it is you who holds the power and it’s been your habit to project it outwards, you will slowly be able to integrate into your actual life. In a way it has to happen over and over to lead to a wearing out of those beliefs, and to understand, again and again, that this other person really doesn’t have “it”, but that it is you who has to develop it. It’s not an easy or fast process, but you will get there if you keep looking at yourself.

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      • July 14, 2013 at 2:15 pm

        Thank you, this answer makes the most sense of any that I have heard.

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