9 thoughts on “Long-Ignored Clues of Childhood Sexual Abuse

  • February 5, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    Ivy, thank you for having the courage and grace to write this article.

    Thank you also for the article heading: serendipity. I’ve been in the “holding pattern” or “interstitial space” of remembering and not remembering for many years now. I want to know because it is affecting me, but I don’t want to know because the fear & horror are overwhelming.

    Re infertility: Multiple miscarriages only abated after I told my husband about “date” rape as a teenager. The molestation by a family acquaintance in toddlerhood set me up for that.

    I’m still uncertain about the complicity of my family. The elephants in the room together with me as outspoken black sheep make quite a menagerie.

    I will likely erase this post, but my respect and gratitude will remain nonetheless.

    Reply
    • February 6, 2019 at 10:44 am

      No, don’t erase your comment. It is needed, for those of us who have been sexually abused as children. I don’t come across many articles about this subject, especially about the effect it has on girls. I was thinking of writing an article myself sometime.

      Reply
      • February 6, 2019 at 1:46 pm

        With all due respect (i.e. no sarcasm, no animosity), I’m at the point where I must put self-care before the perceived needs of others.

        I anticipated erasing my initial comment because I felt extremely vulnerable. I’m not sure if erasing my comment is a form of self-erasure (see https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2018/04/learned-self-erasure/).

        I experienced a rolling panic attack – the intensity and duration of which I have never known before – after posting comment. It lasted all day. Probably ultimately useful to have taken the day to let it wash over me and to talk over the incident with my compassionate husband.

        Even so, I need to pace myself. Our children need me to be available to/for them in the “here and now”.

        Reply
      • February 9, 2019 at 10:18 am

        Thanks and sorry. I understand what you are feeling. I thought I’d delete my comment and looked everywhere and couldn’t find anything. If you know how let me know how to do it.

        Reply
  • February 6, 2019 at 10:50 am

    A wonderful and much needed article. I seldom come across this topic in my travels. I remember most of my sex abuse incidents by my father as if it was yesterday but I can’t help but wonder if there is stuff I don’t remember.

    Reply
  • February 7, 2019 at 3:40 am

    Sex abuse by my grandmother- horrable .

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 3:00 am

      Yes. It is horrible that you were not cherished, protected, and respected. You deserved to be delighted in, held preciously, and viewed as a blessing.

      It was a shameful betrayal by your grandmother – not only of her duty, but also of what could (& should) have been the mutual joy of this family relationship.

      I am so sorry for the horror and distress she has caused you.

      (Your name/pseudonym is very special. I have rubies in my engagement & wedding rings – symbolic of me [as a woman] being of more value than these precious stones. Ruby, you are more precious than rubies!)

      Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 2:40 am

    Hi Francine – that’s ok. I’ve ended up directing a dear friend & sister to my initial post so that i could share what I couldn’t say out loud.

    That was then the basis of amazing validation & healthy discussion & jettisoning of corrosive shame. And that in turn allowed me to briefly explain to another dear friend what I’ve been struggling with. And I was able to do that face-to-face without avoiding eye contact.

    Ironically, it’s not possible to delete one’s own comments (I’d missed that previously in guidelines). I’m sure that a moderator would do so upon request (or email Ivy). However, I do hope you will let your comments stand.

    Unwittingly, your comment was part of a dialogue that has had a significant impact on me (in a good way!)

    Reply
    • February 11, 2019 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Karrie: I’m so very glad you were able to talk about it with your sister and 2 friends and get the validation you needed! It is so healing to experience that. I also have a compassionate husband to talk to.

      Also thanks for your reply to Ruby. That was very well written. Have a great day Karrie.

      Reply
 

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