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Help! I Married an Aspie!


My friend, Rhedyn, and I don’t meet for a confab as often as we’d like. So when we recently made time for a pint and a bite, it was time to catch up on all the comings and goings in each other’s busy lives.

This time though, things were different. Rhedyn looked tired and puffy. Like she’d been crying. It took an hour before she finally admitted what was bothering her.

6 thoughts on “Help! I Married an Aspie!

  • May 15, 2018 at 11:15 pm

    my asberger exhusband was not Emotionally available. he dusmissed my feelings
    categorically. he had no idea HOW INVISIBLE i felt in our 5 years of marriage.
    Although he is sensitive in his own way & easily hurt. he was a know it all & obtuse when anyone dusagreed or challenged him.
    asbergers is a BIG SPECTRUM autism but never even knew he had it but our mutual therapist suspected.

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    • July 23, 2018 at 3:23 pm

      I have been married 33 years and we just got to the point that he is listening to me about how I feel. But realizing the last couple of days that he is an aspie (I always thought he was autistic in some way but I did not know what aspergers was so I never looked it up until my daughter mentioned it to me the other day) Now I am realizing that he has never tried to hurt me but I am also confirming that he will never change and so I have been going thru a roller coaster of emotions the last 24 hours – after processing it. I am an HSP which explains a LOT.

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      • July 23, 2018 at 3:30 pm

        It came as a surprise, on a suggestion from a friend, that my mother might be an Aspie too. It is a shock at first, but Aspies are wonderful people. We just need to learn to work around them, so the relationship WORKS and works well. So glad you finally have the answer.

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      • July 23, 2018 at 5:14 pm

        The pain and loneliness will never go away, but my own journey into maturity and acceptance has lessened it some. Now I can understand that it is “Okay” to embrace the fact that the emotional intimacy within my marriage (if you can call it that) is different than it would be with an NT and that there is nothing missing that needs to be fixed; it’s just on a different plane of existence. (?) I’m not missing out – I just have something unique and different.
        I am now on a journey to embrace my new found truth.

        Our 3 adult daughters can now learn to make sense out of their childhoods

        Reply
  • May 18, 2018 at 11:03 am

    Dan probably experience significant bullying while he was growing up and as a result will have difficulty dealing with criticism. Therefore before Rhedyn begins a conversation with Dan that can be interpreted as criticism, she should begin the conversation as follows:
    “There are two types of criticisms. These are destructive criticism and constructive criticism. Destructive criticism is like name calling, making jokes about people, hurting people. Constructive criticism is trying to help to make people better and marriage stronger. Constructive criticism is a good thing. Rhedyn should explain to Dan that she loves him and only wants to help Dan and make their marriage stronger.”
    Rhedyn should never use sarcasm. She should say what she means and mean what she says. Dan needs perfect honesty. Be direct.

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  • May 19, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    You just described my husband, and he is NOT and Aspie, though our teenage son is. Personally, I wish my husband had a legitimate explanation for this behavior. Otherwise, I feel it’s that he just doesn’t care or can’t be bothered to “plug in” to what my son and I are trying, at any given time, to do or enjoy as a family.

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