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Parental Alienation: Loving Fathers Relegated to Just ‘Sperm Donors’

Father’s Day is one of the saddest days in the year for the Blonwyn family. Like so many other loving fathers, Rhys’ ex-wife thwarted his every attempt to be a loving and involved father from the moment his children were born.

Although reunited with his now grown children last year, it didn’t go as he hoped. So Rhys copes with Father’s Day with his usual humour, wagering which children will bother to wish him a ‘Happy Father’s Day’. This year he nailed it: only three of his five children remembered their ‘Sperm Donor’ on Father’s Day.



‘Sperm donor’. That’s what Rhys’ ex taught their children to call him. Instead of ‘Da’ they called him ‘Sperm Donor’ to his face. It hurt Rhys dreadfully as he assumed and wanted to be their Father in every sense of the word. Just because Rhys didn’t physically carry them in his body for nine months, he still had the strongest paternal desire to love, care, teach and guide his children.

In retrospect, Rhys has finally realised that his ex never intended him to be their Father, only their sperm donor. Hello Parental Alienation.

Although his ex carried their children for nine months, she  never actually cared about family or children for their own sake. To her, the kids were merely living paycheques. If sperm donors were legally required to pay child support…and if artificial insemination was free…she may well have gone that route instead.

Being unemployable due to her penchant for stealing, she was forced to go the ‘free’ way by marrying a naive man to pursue her goal of free money via children. Rhys was healthy, hard-working, good-looking, fertile and so trusting that he never suspected her ulterior motives. She romanced and wed him for one purpose: to be the free sperm donor she could rinse forever. All the benefits of free sperm plus the added perk of Child Support. Midway through her fifth and final pregnancy, she kicked him to the kerb. It was a perfect strategy,  perfectly planned and perfectly executed.

A quarter century later, Rhys finally sees how cleverly he was set-up. He assumed she wanted him to be the Father of her children, in every good and loving sense of the word. Nothing could be further from the truth.

As much as it hurts, perhaps alienated fathers like Rhys may find some relief in accepting what Rhys has finally and sadly come to accept. Fatherhood was his intention, but never hers. He was duped into being her sperm donor.

Rhys did nothing wrong and you, Alienated Father, did nothing wrong either. You aren’t being alienated for being a bad father. In fact, you’re being alienated for being such a good father that you put the biological mother of your children to shame. You wanting and desiring to father your children was not in her plan. It’s an annoyance, a pebble in her shoe. That is why she works so hard at alienating you for your kids.

You haven’t failed. You aren’t being allowed to even try. It’s small comfort but Rhys said a burden lifted from his shoulders when he realised that his ex didn’t want a father for her children, merely a sperm donor.

You’re only mistake was assuming you were intended to be a real Father and trying to be a very good father. There’s no shame in that.

Somewhere, deep inside, I believe your children know that your heart was always in the right place and you never did them wrong.

Parental Alienation: Loving Fathers Relegated to Just ‘Sperm Donors’


Ivy Blonwyn

Ivy Blonwyn is a Welsh freelance writer and photographer. She and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family for several years. Ivy can relate to the pain, confusion, jealousy and sense of injustice that accompanies infertility. But she also knows the pain of being a step-mother to children who’s vindictive birth mother has systematically employed Parental Alienation to distance them from their birth-father, Ivy’s husband, Rhys. Her articles, often illustrated with her photos, are intended to validate and comfort those who suffer from infertility, Parental Alienation and the pain of sexual abuse. She finds solace in indulging her passion for plein air photography during long tramps with her husband through the fields, hills and castles of Cardiff. Follow Ivy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fullheartemptyarms or contact her at [email protected]


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APA Reference
Blonwyn, I. (2020). Parental Alienation: Loving Fathers Relegated to Just ‘Sperm Donors’. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 8, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/full-heart/2020/06/parental-alienation-loving-fathers-relegated-to-just-sperm-donors/

 

Last updated: 23 Jun 2020
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