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The Woman Who Wanted to be Punched

If you clicked on this blog post, you’re probably already seething. Certainly no woman wants to be abused! But my personal observation has proved otherwise. A woman of my acquaintance is the exception to the rule. Very simply, she wants men to abuse her. She plies them with alcohol, taunts and physically attacks them to start the ball rolling. When sufficiently inebriated, they usually respond in kind, physically lashing out against her. It’s exactly what she wants.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to be physically abused? Money.

As soon as the slap connects, the fist lands, her bone snaps, she ‘has something’ on them. She holds all the cards and has all the power. Their freedom is in her hands…or else.

She declines to call the constabulary if her attacker promises to buy her exactly what she wants. Their money is no object. She drains her men’s wallets, bank accounts and drives them deeply into debt. She owns them.

She flatly refuses to avail herself of a Women’s Aid Shelter. There’s no money in it. Although many men have raised their hands against her, she has never yet set foot in a shelter despite all the urging of those who were appalled by the abuse she bore.

If a neighbour hears her screams, calls the constabulary and her current abusive boyfriend or husband is arrested, when sufficiently financed she will swear under oath to the magistrate that it was all a big misunderstanding. ‘I slipped and fell’. By emptying their coffers into her pocket, not one of her amours have ever served time for domestic violence.

It’s a pattern she repeats in every romantic relationship and there have been a lot of them. When inebriated, her constant condition, it’s actually this woman herself who initiates physical violence to the man-of-the-moment. She pushes them, punches them, kicks them down stairs, locks them in or out of rooms and taunts them to physically retaliate.

Yet she has never been arrested. She has no criminal record. A perfect lady, that’s her.

A sober man might be able to see her tactics. But when drunk, their daily condition, they will always retaliate and lash out at her physically. It’s exactly what she wants. Now she has them exactly where she wants them.

Bruises and broken bones are the currency she deals in. She’ll gladly nurse a black eye or wear a plaster while her abuser buys and buys and buys. Some men have liquidated their pensions for her. Every man she seduces goes many thousands of pounds into debt for her. Beggars themselves. Ruins their credit scores. Meanwhile, she secretly pawns their possession for scotch, single malt please or drugs.

You would think a woman with such power over men would be an over-groomed blonde beauty, generously endowed. In reality, and I say this objectively, she is one of the ugliest women it’s ever been my misfortune to meet. Ugly inside and out with no curves to speak of and her housekeeping skills are abysmal with animal faeces everywhere. It doesn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t lack for men, in fact, she usually has two or three going simultaneously.

She doesn’t care about love as long as she gets everything she wants. In over two decades of loving and leaving ’em, she’s never held a job. Never paid rent. Never written a cheque to put food in her childrens’ mouths. Sex and black eyes are her currency. She cares not who she sleeps with nor who strikes her back when she strikes them. You’re even welcome to abuse her children; she’ll help you do it.

Both sex and violence line her pocketbook and she wields them skillfully. Any man who tries to leave her is threatened with, ‘I’ll kill myself if you leave’ and as she’s survived several suicide attempts, they take her at her word and stay. She is never dumped. She is the one to move on, she always files for divorce first. That too is by design.

She doesn’t want a calm and sober man who will treat her kindly. She doesn’t want a good man who would never lay a finger on a woman in anger. It doesn’t fit into her long-term financial strategy.

No, she needs a violent man. But you’ll never see her in a women’s shelter. That would defeat her purposes.

How do I know her so well?

She is both my husband’s ex and now my daughter-in-law.

Photo by Harlequin_colors

The Woman Who Wanted to be Punched

Ivy Blonwyn

Ivy Blonwyn is a Welsh freelance writer and photographer. She and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family for several years. Ivy can relate to the pain, confusion, jealousy and sense of injustice that accompanies infertility. But she also knows the pain of being a step-mother to children who’s vindictive birth mother has systematically employed Parental Alienation to distance them from their birth-father, Ivy’s husband, Rhys. Her articles, often illustrated with her photos, are intended to validate and comfort those who suffer from infertility, Parental Alienation and the pain of sexual abuse. She finds solace in indulging her passion for plein air photography during long tramps with her husband through the fields, hills and castles of Cardiff. Follow Ivy on Facebook at or contact her at [email protected]

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APA Reference
Blonwyn, I. (2019). The Woman Who Wanted to be Punched. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 10, 2020, from


Last updated: 5 Nov 2019
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