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‘Professional’ Victims Enjoy Drama and Refuse All Help

They’re such sad characters, always with a tale of woe. Their lives are fraught with drama, oh woe is them. Why them? Why is it always them? They’re just so unlucky. Heavy sigh.

But try to help them and pffffftttt! They’ll blow you off faster than it takes to type this sentence.

After all that moaning, the truth is that they’re pleased as punch to have drama in their lives. Though they claim to be the underdog, so abused, they’re really eating it up. Well, if their lives are that boring…!

These are your ‘professional’ victims. Don’t let their ‘woe is me’ act turn your head. They’re loving it. Eating it up. They don’t want peaceful lives devoid of drama. They enjoy every moment of pissing and moaning, fighting and arguing, complaining and weeping. It’s their happy place.

So don’t help them. That’s right. Let them wallow! They love it!

Oh, I know how hard it is. We well-meaning, peace-loving people think everyone wants drama-free lives as we do. That’s where we’re wrong. The Professional Victim thrives on drama and then thrives again by complaining about it.

So stop casting your pearls of wisdom at their feet only to be trod underfoot. Yes, I know just how hard it is for good-heart codependents who’ve been through the School of Hard Knocks to not share our wisdom…but we really should stick a sock in it.

Let’s say you do proffer excellent advice to The Victim.

In a split second, they blow you off. Make an abrupt about-face. Suddenly, you’re the Bad Guy.

They’re perfectly fine, thank you very much. The situation they’d been complaining and bellyaching about a moment ago is suddenly fun for them. They don’t want it to end. They enjoy the pissing. Enjoy the moaning.

They don’t want a restraining order even if the court would readily grant it. Being abused is their source of entertainment and mental stimulation and gets them all that lovely attention and sympathy from people like us. It’s also a jolly way to blackmail.

They could help themselves but they choose not to. They’re the ones who hang out with their abusers and break bread with those who hurt them the most. Then gossip and complain to us about it all.

So leave them alone to stew in their own juice. Yes, I know how hard it is. But if you try to help, you’ll only be burned off, hurt and disgusted.

There are professional victims and I-can’t-help-myself rescuers. Then there are those who are wise enough not to fall into either trap.

Which one are you?

Photo by Maryam Abdulghaffar مريم عبدالغفار

‘Professional’ Victims Enjoy Drama and Refuse All Help

Ivy Blonwyn

Ivy Blonwyn is a Welsh freelance writer and photographer. She and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family for several years. Ivy can relate to the pain, confusion, jealousy and sense of injustice that accompanies infertility. But she also knows the pain of being a step-mother to children who’s vindictive birth mother has systematically employed Parental Alienation to distance them from their birth-father, Ivy’s husband, Rhys. Her articles, often illustrated with her photos, are intended to validate and comfort those who suffer from infertility, Parental Alienation and the pain of sexual abuse. She finds solace in indulging her passion for plein air photography during long tramps with her husband through the fields, hills and castles of Cardiff. Follow Ivy on Facebook at or contact her at [email protected]

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APA Reference
Blonwyn, I. (2019). ‘Professional’ Victims Enjoy Drama and Refuse All Help. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 30, 2020, from


Last updated: 2 Nov 2019
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