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3 Tips for Parental Alienation Victims’ Partners

The first date you have with a Victim of Parental Alienation, you automatically became a victim too. When you became their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, you clinched the deal, even though their children are not biologically yours.

The trauma may be a long time coming. At first, your relationship with your husband or wife’s vindictive ex may seem benign. Even cordial.

Don’t be fooled. Hell hath no fury like a perpetrator of Parental Alienation especially when they see how happy you’ve made their ex. Whatever your partner or spouse is accused of doing (or not doing) by their vindictive ex, you automatically become guilty by association.

Merely because you love them. Because you care for them and take care of them. Because you’re happy with them and happy together. A perpetrator of Parental Alienation hates that. Your happiness feeds their misery and their misery feeds their rage.

Here’s what I’ve learned from my own experience of blindly marrying into a horrific case of Parental Alienation.

Don’t Get Chummy: A perpetrator of Parental Alienation will, probably, turn on the charm and attempt to get close to you as soon as you bond with their ex. The reason is very simple: information. They want the inside scoop on what their ex is doing and, most importantly of all, how much money they have. Not only that, but they want to know how much money you have and how they can get their hands on some of it.

Don’t be fooled. Keep your distance and keep your own counsel. You owe the ex nothing. If possible, don’t speak or correspond with them at all.

Words in Your Mouth: Having failed to bring you under their thrall, they will then set about alienating you from your new step-children.

It’s very easy really. All they have to do is claim you said the most outrageous, preposterous, even evil things. Things you, obviously, never said – or even thought. Suddenly, you are the biggest, baddest evil step-mother (or father) on the planet.

Contradictions will only sound like the pathetic protestations of someone who is guilty. Don’t bother. As hard as it is, hold your tongue.

Brute Force Attacks: In addition to outrageous gossip and backbiting, their next step will undoubtedly be towards in-your-face, brute force attacks. They may be in-person verbal attacks but being a bully, and therefore a coward, social media will probably be their medium of choice. Under their main profile, a second profile or even a fake profile with a fabricated name they will follow their course of harassment, intimidation and mud-slinging with  single-mindedness.

Don’t respond. Don’t contradict. Simply ignore them. If that doesn’t dissuade them over time, you have a choice to make.

What will make your life more miserable – continuing to withstand their abuse or taking legal action to stop the abuse?

The good opinion of your step-children has probably been lost forever. The brainwashing against you was too intense to regain any ground with them. Now, it is time to think of yourself and your partner.

What will be worse: tolerating further attacks or engaging with the proper authorities and taking legal steps to stop the abuse?

Take the necessary steps to mediate the pain, so you can be the best support for your partner or spouse, as they suffer the excruciating pain of being wrongly alienated from their own biological children. Take care of you and your partner in whatever way will traumatize you the least. Cause you less stress.

I chose to ignore and, in time, the abuse decreased. I’d taken all the fun out of it. But that’s just me and my experience. The experience of one ‘Evil Stepmother’.

All step-mothers are evil. Didn’t you know!? I, who wanted only a beautiful relationship with my five step-children, am evil. I didn’t used to be. Becoming a step-mother automatically made me ‘evil’. Welcome to Parental Alienation.

3 Tips for Parental Alienation Victims’ Partners

Ivy Blonwyn

Ivy Blonwyn is a Welsh freelance writer and photographer. She and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family for several years. Ivy can relate to the pain, confusion, jealousy and sense of injustice that accompanies infertility. But she also knows the pain of being a step-mother to children who’s vindictive birth mother has systematically employed Parental Alienation to distance them from their birth-father, Ivy’s husband, Rhys. Her articles, often illustrated with her photos, are intended to validate and comfort those who suffer from infertility, Parental Alienation and the pain of sexual abuse. She finds solace in indulging her passion for plein air photography during long tramps with her husband through the fields, hills and castles of Cardiff. Follow Ivy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fullheartemptyarms or contact her at [email protected]


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APA Reference
Blonwyn, I. (2018). 3 Tips for Parental Alienation Victims’ Partners. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 20, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/full-heart/2018/08/3-tips-for-parental-alienation-victims-partners/

 

Last updated: 16 Aug 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Aug 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.