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Comfort for Victims of Parental Alienation

Your children love you. They do. If they didn’t love you, they wouldn’t be so upset, so confused, so angry at being alienated from you.

It’s at times like Christmas that Parental Alienation hurts the most. The pain becomes acute.

This is just a simple message to say you’re not alone. My husband, Rhys, has been an innocent victim of Parental Alienation since his children were tiny. And I’ve seen how much it hurts him. It takes a lot to make him cry, but missing his kids leaves him wracked and shaken with sobs.

It’s interesting how alienated children themselves rarely seem to have a complaint with their alienated parent. They don’t claim to have been abused or neglected. Because they weren’t. All the anger, the false accusations, the shameful lies are stemming from your ex.

Your child loves you. Even if they don’t show it, they love you. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t care so much. Anger is a secondary emotion. The unspoken primary emotion is love. Very conflicted love.

I know your ex is making it impossible for you to see your child(ren), ignoring all the court orders for visitation. I know they’re actively making your life a living Hell. I know they’re driving you away, forcing you into ‘abandonment’ so they can prove to your child(ren) and the court what a horrible, abandoning parent you are.

It’s all bullshit.

The good news is that, even in bad situations, children grow up quickly. Those eighteen years will go by in a flash. Then, you’ll be able to say your piece, one adult to another.

Your child may give you a chance or they may not believe you. Love them anyways.

Say your piece. Tell them your side of the story. Put it in writing and send it Signed For First Class.

But along the way, take care of you. You must take care of yourself, even while it feels like there’s a knife twisting in your guts. Take care of yourself, no matter how bad it gets. You know you’re a good person and a good parent. Hang onto that belief.

Please know that if you’re alone and missing your kids this Christmas, they’re thinking of you. They love you and you love them. That’s where it’s at. So hang in there! Take care of you so you can always be there for them.

Take it from someone who’s watched her man suffer for years. Parental Alientation is Hell but it is survivable.

Whatever your situation, let me wish you a very warm Happy Christmas!

Comfort for Victims of Parental Alienation

Ivy Blonwyn

Ivy Blonwyn is a Welsh freelance writer and photographer. She and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family for several years. Ivy can relate to the pain, confusion, jealousy and sense of injustice that accompanies infertility. But she also knows the pain of being a step-mother to children who’s vindictive birth mother has systematically employed Parental Alienation to distance them from their birth-father, Ivy’s husband, Rhys. Her articles, often illustrated with her photos, are intended to validate and comfort those who suffer from infertility, Parental Alienation and the pain of sexual abuse. She finds solace in indulging her passion for plein air photography during long tramps with her husband through the fields, hills and castles of Cardiff. Follow Ivy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fullheartemptyarms or contact her at [email protected]


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APA Reference
Blonwyn, I. (2017). Comfort for Victims of Parental Alienation. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/full-heart/2017/12/comfort-for-victims-of-parental-alienation/

 

Last updated: 24 Dec 2017
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Dec 2017
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.