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Looking For The Finish Line

“Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on, Freedom’s name is mighty sweet, And soon we’re gonna meet, Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on” attributed to Pete Seeger 

At the age of fifty-one, I have come to the conclusion that seventy years in the expected lifespan. This could be shortened or prolonged some.  But the reality is that I have more years behind me then I have ahead of me. So I am planning wisely how I will spend the remainder of my time on planet Earth. 

finish line photoIn life, I decided to walk a spiritual path instead of a carnal one. At age twenty I got baptized and became a Christian. Since that time the main focus of my life has been my Christianity. I have been doing some reflecting upon this choice of mine. There has been pros and cons as everything has. But ultimately the pros are eternal and the cons are temporary.

After becoming a Christian I promptly took a cross-country trip. A couple of months later I was committed to a psychiatric hospital. My bipolar disorder was a major blow to my life. It took years of struggle but I eventually recovered to the point where I could graduate from college. My mind was no longer logically brilliant but rather adequate. Perhaps my artistic nature increased.

As a young Christian in psychiatric hospitals, I was very vocal about my faith. Perhaps to the point of being annoying. Christianity meant a lot to me and I wanted to share the good thing that I had found in life. But over the years the zeal faded to wisdom. I came to understand that people had problems and helping them with their issues was the best route to go.

Therein lies the fundamental thing I am proud of most of all in my existence. That in my time as a Christian that I treated everybody with dignity and respect. Sometimes these kind efforts were greatly appreciated. Other times people took advantage of me. Sometimes people showed me outright hatred. Still, through it all, I continued steadfastly in this behavior. Now I wonder what impact if any I had on the lives of the people who I spent my time in association with.

There is, of course, the hours spent visiting people in hospitals and providing for the needs of the disenfranchised. I cannot begin to recall how many times I fed people who wanted a meal. Corporately at the congregation in Newark, we helped distribute clothes and other basic needs.

I bring up these issues as they are the baseline and core of the Christian faith. There was a conscious decision as to whether to invest my time into furthering a career or enhancing my Christian walk. I worked with an engineering company for about eight years. At that time I could have returned to engineering school. Instead, I decided to go the graduate school for Bible. Also, I spent many hours studying history and the lives of influential people in biographies.

I know without a doubt that I suffered financially with my choice. That is if I invested my time in learning engineering I am sure that I would be in a much better situation financially. But if I had I would never have come to a deep understanding of exactly how this world works. The world is a Satanic system which is built on a plethora of lies. These lies are infused in people at early childhood and they are propagated throughout their entire lives. Looking for the truth is very disheartening because it involves a change in one’s core. But once the truth is found this crazy world makes perfect sense albeit a wicked one.

My wife is very ill with dementia and I expect that she will pass on. Already she is halfway in the grave. Her welfare is my primary concern. It is a very humiliating and frustrating situation that I face. I cannot afford the ten thousand dollars a month the nursing home wants. Also, she does not qualify for Medicaid. So I am trapped at being her constant caregiver. While it is a labor of love it is a relentless and demanding task.

Once life affords me with more time I would like to go back into the mission field. To explain to people the ways of God and how faith can help a person better walk this life. I have dreams of being a successful writer but alas that is all they are dreams. If by some miracle my writing is successful I will have lived the best of both worlds. I will have faithfully served God while reaping a financial bounty. All my pain and anguish will have been nicely rewarded.

We are all going to die. How have you lived your life? Is it something you are proud of? It is never too late to change.

Please check out my book “The Lost Cantos Of John Kaniecki.” It is a great encouraging book at an affordable price. https://amzn.to/2PVQa0W

Photos by paisleyorguk,

Looking For The Finish Line

John Kaniecki

John Kaniecki is a full-time caregiver for his wife Sylvia. He is a published writer and works with the Church of Christ. John has lived with bipolar for over thirty years and has been hospitalized nine times, three of which were committed. John has chronicled his life story in his memoirs "More Than The Madness". Also of note is John's book of poetry "Murmurings Of A Mad Man" which are poems written about being committed in Graystone Psychiatric Hospital. John believes in the power of words to change the world for the better. His website can be seen here. His books can be seen on Amazon. You can visit his personal blog "Turn A Page Or Two" here.


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APA Reference
Kaniecki, J. (2018). Looking For The Finish Line. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 19, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/fragments/2018/10/looking-for-the-finish-line/

 

Last updated: 25 Oct 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Oct 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.